27th August 2018 - Wythenshawe Amateurs 1 v 0 Cheadle Heath Nomads - Today the report takes a title similar to that emotive gothic novel penned by the the textual manipulating genius that was Emily Bronte. Of course Kate Bush should get a mentioned too as well as that back street artiste who did a cover version of the famed ditty, Kate Thrush - this latter warbler offered aftershow introductions that saw many a gullible man pay a visit to the pox doctor the day after and end up on a 6 month course of antibiotics and repeat applications of penis petrol to burn off the sores - I'll stick to the novel thank you very much. So, after an early start, a local wander looking for fungi with my good lady (38 species named and shamed) I arrived at the ground wondering what the upshot would be. I saw the guests at the weekend and they played a game that was a 50% surge, 50% struggle - would today be a manifestation of strong attacking gales that would indeed make for Wuthering Heights or would we see a team offer up only a mere restrained fart and end up labelled as Withering Shites - it was time to bounce back, I had no doubts they could do it. This was my first viewing of the hosts, I was hoping they could turn on the style today and make for a fascinating footballing affair - I love the sensation of pre-match hope. As per, I met up with STP Stu, we slurped tea, chose a spot, wagged the jaw with a few faces and in the tic of a fidgets face, the match was underway.
Wythenshawe came out quicker than David Pleat's pecker in a red light zone and a swift ball saw No 9 (Edward Moran) belt and pound the underside of the bar. The ball flew outward instead of inward, a very unlucky moment for the striker involved. Despite the lengthy turf both teams went on from this early hair-raiser to pass with pace and use good off the ball movement. It was a long ball however that brought the next hint at excitement when the Nomads No 4 (Ashley Crank) found the ever willing No 9 (Richard Tindall) who fought hard and earned his side a gratis-dig. The ball in was decent, the home rear pack dealt with it as several offensive heads tried to make contact. The guests were perhaps just shading matters during the opening moment but the Wythy lads were no mugs and soaked up any threat and always looked dangerous when in possession. A shot and turn by the Blue and White clad No 8 (David Wright) brought a corner kick, the ball that came in was elevated in the extreme but the Nomads made hard work of clearing their lines, stuck at matters and eventually regrouped. The game was on a knife-edge, both units seemed to be on the brink of a punishing move with a regulated and controlled momentum working through each rank. It was the odd stray pass that was negating the potential, but action soon came at each end with the Nomad keeper (Aaron Tyrer) down quick to parry a firm low cross and the guest No 11 (Stephen Kirby) unfortunate to see his rapid cross miss the carcass of the in-rushing Tindall.
Cheadle now put a really impressive move together with Kirby to No 7 (Kayle Power) who crossed and saw the defense only just impede before No 2 (Craig Coates) put in a fine ball for No 6 (Isaac Graham) just fail to make concrete contact with. A corner was semi-salvation but the effort was finalised by a Tindall shot that was easily saved. From here both teams worked the turf, they battled and perspired to make that all so crucial opening but discipline at the rear remained in the ascendancy. From out of a somewhat bustling period a coming together between No 7 (William Ahern) for the home lads and Graham for the visitors saw heads come together but not in a Billy Goat Gruff style, just in a push and snarl kind of way. The letter of the law was adhered to, the Wythenshawe lad got a booking, the Nomad was sent walking, it was a careless moment but the team one man down put immediate pressure on their opponents only to disappointingly came up short at the very last. Wright for the Amateurs had a turn and crack before the half-time call but the ball fizzed across the face of goal and was duly kicked clear. We were soon heading for a cuppa, it had been a ruddy intriguing first 45.
As me and Stu pootled for a cuppa I was sidetracked and wagged the jaw with a Nomad member. My good mate supplied me with a warm beverage soon after and we returned to our spot, clueless as to how this would end up. The visiting tribe had it all to do. Pete, the guy I mentioned in the previous report, had been with us for the first half, for the second he had wandered to a corner where several trees were standing. I thought it was in case it rained that he went to this sheltered spot, little did I know that he was going to climb up on high and start sniffing glue - I can't fault it!
No 10 (James Green) came out for the second half full of gusto, he sprinted forth, had a shot and was thwarted by a very alert mittman. Within seconds a free-kick for Wythy was had, the ball was cracked in by Green, Ahern slid forth like a shaven arsed gibbon across a shit-varnished billiard table (darn these hallucinogenics) and brought up the first and highly crucial strike of the game. It was a swift and decisive assault, the Nomadic lads were left reeling but fought from the trenches like worthy troopers and from here on in put up a stubborn resistance that they should be proud of. A tetchiness was manifesting itself, especially in the Cheadle ranks due to the constant barrage they were now under. Corners, free-kicks and the kitchen taps (no not the sink, things weren't that bad as yet) came, Cheadle displayed resilience and fortitude, they made sure the 3 points were still there for the taking, much to the admiration of those on the touchline. Wythenshawe kept their heads though, stayed disciplined and found space for No 11 (Jordan Burton) to sizzle the tips of the travelling keeper who did just enough to tip the ball onto the bar. Fortune favoured the gloved one and from here the Nomads had a bout of spirited play that saw several crosses come and then No 8 (Phillip Yuille) let fly with a hum-dinging howitzer that buzzed over the horizontal. Wythenshawe came on but Cheadle were on a roll and when a corner came, a nut down saw the ball run free which could have gone anywhere. Alas for the guests it was dealt with, a break came soon after, No 17 (Patrick O'Brien) fled the pack, Yuille was hot on his tail. The gallop charged close to the box, contact was made - the unfortunate Yuille was sent for an early bath, Wythenshawe had a free-kick with the resultant fizzer tipped over. The game, as a contest, was now dead, the last minutes ticked away and the referee made sure the game went the way of the hosts. It had been a gritty contest, full of effort and steaming passion, Man of the Match goes to Wythenshawe Amateurs No 6 (Richard Gresty) who shone from the melee like a buffed up pimple on the posterior of a an acne-infested buffalo. His communication, calmness under pressure and downright discipline is a lesson for many, he put in a very good 90 minutes work too with his peepers always on the ball - I always respect that kind of play. So homeward bound I went, the game had kept me enthralled, I reckon several returns are a certainty, here is to the next one.
FINAL THOUGHT - What we had today was a very competitive affair with 2 new teams to the league striving to maintain momentum and keep early promise aglow. Of course matters were marred by the 2 sendings off but Cheadle Heath Nomads should be proud of their reaction and if anything should be used as an example of what can be achieved by hard work. As per, several players worked their arses off and set a lofty standard for others to keep up with, No 10 (Terence Butler) a choice representative to back up these observations. Wythenshawe Amateurs are a decent squad who play with consideration before pouncing forth in the hope of gaining triumph. From front to back there are no weak points and today it was only a matter of relying on a ball over the top a little too often that hindered many advances. They will do alright for themselves this year and with a charge of £3 on the gate, a good clubhouse and a decent crowd (252 in attendance today) they can only go from strength to strength. It was a very good day out all round, I even found a couple of fungus prior to the match (Mycena galopus and Marasmius oreades for the curious) so what more could I ask for. Well, perhaps more goals, a leather sofa to watch the match from, free bottles of QC sherry throughout the game and a nude midget show at half-time to keep one intrigued, one can hope but hey, get down to this ground folks and enjoy - they do what they do mighty well, the Fungal One shall return.
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