BATTLING NELSON

11th September 2018 - Prestwich Heys 1 v 1 Nelson FC - A midweek fixture featuring 2 sides from the NWCFL First Division North at a ground we usually visit several times a season. Times are busy at the mo (they always are) and the fungi season has crept in and thrown me onto the back foot with it barrage of conundrums and identification posers.  From the swirling depths of multi-coloured Russulas, beautiful Boleti, tricky Tricholomas and aggravating Entolomas I am glad to rise and have a welcome respite at the game I love.  The day was a holiday from work and was spent, once more, tackling many chores, with a small break had to watch 'Flying Deuces' featuring Laurel and Hardy - and why not!   My good lady was joining me for the night's kick about and upon arrival we met that keen non-league pootler STP Stu.  A couple of cups of tea apiece, a chat with Sideburn Bob and out for the match.  Predictions for the night's event would normally go the way of the hosts but both teams were not firing on all cylinders and there was a slight suggestion of a shock on the cards.  If I was a betting man though my conkers would go the way of the home 'erberts, but take care, you have more chance of seeing the Pope's todger than making any money following my feeble attempts at footballing prophecy.  Keep your hard earned cash in your pockets folks, just enjoy the game and hope for a good un' - tis a simple formula but it saves one having to re-mortgage the house or knit one's own underwear.  So tea and chocolate acquired, positions adopted, teams out - game on!

An effervescent start was had as both packs worked with a high running ratio and much steam.  The first corner came for the guests, Heys remained rigid in defense and even when a cross cum shot strayed just shy of the vertical the rearguard looked composed.  From here the home team started to pass the ball like the food between the claws of a pair of Red Kites - smoothly and efficiently.  Time on the globe was not had though as they were constantly harried and hustled by the the corvid-like pests that had obviously swooped in to make a game of it.  As Heys pecked, Nelson stubbornly squawked with stubbornness and flew away on a 3 touch move to shock the shit out of the home team's arses of hope.  A goal kick, a soar down the line, a cross and a nut home by the ever willing No 10 (Gareth Hill) and the away team had pilfered the lead.  It was a basic, effective and very sweet execution, suddenly we had a game to consider.

A period like the mush of Ivy Tyldlsey followed, nip and tuck, nip and tuck, the next goal could have gone either way with Nelson's Hill and No 11 (Jake Townsend) chasing everything.  As effort remained high the Heys struck with 2 razor cum laser passes and up stepped No 9 (Lee Bruce) to knock the ball home and level the scoreline.  On possession of play it was a fair outcome, now it was time for someone to grab the gonads of the game and squeeze out an ultimate victory.  No 2 (Ashley Brierley) of the visiting outfit took a punt at regaining the lead and in truth his lengthy effort wasn't too far off the target.  Next, and a long ball for Prestwich went up, down and bounced like a lopsided testicle on an egg box.  This angular rebound saw a defender and attacker thrown into uncertainty, the former gave the latter a nudge, the referee considered it a foul and seeing that these were the most advanced players on the park a red card was issued.  It was a bitter twist and ruddy unfortunate, the fellow leaving the pitch looked far from impressed.  The following free-kick was taken by the home No 4 (Max White) who had two attempts at placing the ball into the net but was thwarted both times by well flung carcasses.  The last time I had seen bodies thrown with such gusto was at the Midget Flinging World Cup on Malta where Arthur Shortarse was pipped at the post by the human projectile that is, 2 Foot Thompson - the Human Arrow.  

Into the back stretch of the opening period, Nelson made a substitute, a long shot by White for the Heys came soon after but had more hope than accuracy.  The hosts were now regaining command of matters though and the away lads needed to work damn hard to go into the break all square.  A slight chance came, a ball in for the touchline, Hill flicked on, the keeper was forced to save.  Soon after another touch on from the same bonse led to an overhead kick.  It was tame but in truth, was more promising than anything the home team could offer - the half-time break was needed for both teams and after a few heated exchanges they pootled off to recharge the batteries and hopefully get to grips with a gritty game.

We 3 onlookers stayed put, we had a Yorkie bar apiece, I had a cussing for picking up my daughter's  chocolate and not leaving it at home - I have a simple streak at times borne of a distracted head - ooh heck.  The second half soon came around, I had no idea how this one would end up.

The Prestwich pack came out chomping, No 5 (Daniel Vincent) put in a punishing pass that could only be dealt with by a clumsy foul.  The free-kick that came pinged out, Nelson had time to re-adjust and get their shape and set about the hard-shift ahead.  No 10 (Ris Wilson-Heyes) for the home lads was the first to break with purpose during this soccerised segment.  Bruce latched onto a delicious cross, a deflection put the ball over.  The corner was cleared, Nelson raced away, Vincent dealt with the situation with a messy lunge and duly saw his name go in the book, the away team were doing their job - thinking and frustrating.  As the hosts looked to burst the Nelson bubble of hope the guests still looked in control and had their shit, well and truly together.  The Admirals were sailing the high seas of stress and coping mighty well, they mithered the home pack like flies around a bovines ringpiece and as the clock ticked on Hill latched on to a defensive lapse and looked to add his own twist of fate to a very intriguing match that could still go either way.  Alas the mittman was alert and did just enough to quell the peril - bloody spoilsport.

And to the home run in, the game now appeared to be like that kids game known as 'Operation'.  Nelson were in the role of patient, Prestwich Heys were the examining doctors, prodding and poking and looking to take out the heart of their opponents and bring about their own personal buzz.  Shots came, the nose of decision flashed a verdict of 'shite' and the inner organs of the travelling 10 men remained intact.  A collision after a ball forth brought the Hey Heads a corner, the ball was plucked from the air by the keeper, he seemed to have mighty safe hands tonight.  At the other end the ball went in and out with a handball claim coming from the midst of the turmoil.  A free-kick was given, the Blues No 12 (Kenneth Taylor) put in a lovely chip that just wouldn't fall quick enough.  Into the added time and no great shakes were had, the whistle blew, a draw was gained, Man of the Match for me goes to Nelson's No 3 (Alexander Grice) for his funneled and focused discipline that helped keep the visitors tight at the back and always in with a fighting chance.  He played with the right attitude when needed, as did his comrades, and if this can be achieved with 10 men, what can happen with 11. We 3 watchers buggered off home, we enjoyed it even though none of our pre-match predictions came true - we keep on trying!

FINAL THOUGHT - Battling Nelson was a Danish professional boxer who held the World Lightweight Title after beating Jimmy Britt on September the 9th 1905.  The qualities of this famed pug were similar to what Nelson FC displayed tonight, an enduring resistance to pressure, a durability and an ability to strike when on the back foot.  I was impressed by what the team did and how they remained unflustered and, like plastics titties of Pamela Anderson, they kept their shape when under pressure - it was a performance with many positives and the next time their arses are against the wall, this should be used as a reminder of what is still possible.  Prestwich Heys disappointed me on this occasion, something I am surprised to hear myself say as normally they are a fine footballing unit who play eye-catching stuff with a definite end product.  At times they passed well but when in a position of threat options were limited and they seemed at a loss as to where to go forward.   Too many stray balls were punted into no man's land, too many incohesive moments meant that fluidity was lacking.  They have too many good players in the ranks to let this go on for much longer but work needs doing and on my next visit I will be looking for a much more convincing performance and a solid victory.