2nd March 2019 - Cheadle Heath Nomads 3 v 2 Wythenshawe Amateurs - Up quicker than a fellow who had shit the bed, out on the bike and riding like the wind with a finger up its jacksie. Alas I am no Eddie Merckx and am easily distracted by wildlife. Bird song was rife, some logs exposed many surreptitious creatures and one or two fungi caught my roving eye. Home and a quick change and out for some woodchip and snacks with my grand wife. The garden was sorted and computer work done. After a work-out on the punchbag (no my mother wasn't visiting today) I had a grand dinner, steak pie and peas, the food of the fat northern bastard. After a few hours pottering I arrived at this local ground in good time, met up with STP Stu and chewed the usual cud with his good self and a few local 'erberts who make this place a joy to visit. I didn't know that the Nomad's goalkeeping coach was running an on-the spot clinic and despite suffering from manic depression and trench foot was doing free-of-charge body inspections. The good news is my piles are back inside the rectum, the pain in my back is nothing to worry about and the boil on my buttocks has been lanced. I am booked in next week for a prostate check, I don't know how that will go as the said medical man promised to do it with his goalkeeping gloves on - ouch!
Prior to the game I had idiotically predicted a 2 -2 draw, I say idiotically because trying to pick these results is madness and very rarely proves to be successful. In fact you'd would have more chance of triumph picking the nose of Barry Manilow, I am sure he keeps his savings up there. The weather had been good of late, today it threatened to turn to shit, we took shelter, the crowd grew, the game eventually began. Remember, a 2 - 2 draw, you heard it here first, come the match end I may be a gloating git or the usual sheepish failure - I blame my Doris Stoke's Prophecy Pack - ruddy fraudulent swine she his although the special knickers to help contact the dead are quite comfy.
Settled in and prepared to scribble, the globe turned and the first team to generate a certain level of excitement was the hosts with their robust No 9 (Ashley Harrison) proving to be a real nuisance and having the first dig that caused little fuss. A corner came for the same team soon after. It was drilled in low, lightly touched but lacked power and allowed the keeper to gather. From here Wythy broke with high tempo, No 10 (Jordan Burton) burst with desire, passed and received, let fly and saw his effort get deflected wide. The corner came, No 11 (Alan Dolan) rose and put his noggin on the globe, the awaiting keeper held well. The Ammies advanced once more, Burton away with No 7 (Adam Walker) an option. The player on the ball was zoned in, he needed no assistance and slotted home to give his side the crucial breakthrough - it was a well taken goal and now left the onus on the hosts to produce something special. Almost at once the Nomads had the ball, No 8 (Isaac Graham) moved with intent, roamed inward and put in a tempting ball for No 7 (Kieran Herbert) to attack. Like a pervert pouncing on a discarded copy of Ringpiece Internationale the player cracked one off without a moments hesitation. The contact was sublime, the ball flew with sound direction and much pace, the keeper dove, got mitts on matters but couldn't stop the spherical projectile from penetrating the framework - what a stunning equaliser, the game was now aflame.
Further into the game we advanced, Wythenshawe just shading matters but Cheadle had a half chance next when a free-kick dropped into a perfect position but no takers were present. A defensive header came and a corner was a bonus. The ball was delivered, the delivery shabby and the travelling team trespassed forth with Burton once more at the helm, firing and forcing another good save from the home No 1 (Aaron Tyrer). The game became intense, suddenly the ball was loose, Walker from Wythy lunged, No 6 (Jack Benson) for the Nomads had the same idea and came off worse from a mistimed affair that lacked any spite. The referee sent Walker, ahem...walking, their was much disagreement with the decision and while the badly injured player lay in pain I found matters a little tasteless. The crook chap was carried off (get well soon squire), the game continued and a yellow card was issued soon after for Cheadle's No 4 (Ashley Crank) who was a trifle fortunate after the recent red was issued. Wythenshawe, despite being down to 10 men, came on, Burton prodded a pass to No 8 (Matthew Dodwell) who rounded the advancing mittman and struck the side netting - that was close. Cheadle responded with a long ball, Herbert chased, rounded the keeper, passed and No 10 (James Green), who was in the right place at the right time, tapped home and gave his side the lead.
The final minutes came, Wythenshawe, to their credit, continued to drive forward. They won a corner, a miskick led to a ball finding the Nomadic No 11 (Stephen Kirby) who only had the keeper to beat (easier said than done). An opportunity to lob was avoided, the ball instead was coolly slid along the deck and rolled into the net to bring great joy to the hosts. 3 - 1, a fine turnaround and before the first half ended it could have been 4 but the effort from No 3 (Adam Stuart) was without spite and we stayed as we were.
A wander for the break, tea and choccy, this game was like the dangling conkers of Gay Gordon and up for grabs, my forecast was out of the window, I took off the aforementioned panties of prediction and hung them on a nearby tree - if anyone wants them, feel free.
The second half came, it was a fractured start, the guests were making the running, a ball came into the box and No 9 (Daniel Egan) got in a glancing header. The home mitter kept his eye on the ball and saved well. An angled kick followed, Egan rose and nutted, over. In response Harrison was on the end of a move and decided to chance the shank. The ball was propelled with rasping power, it was a shame to see it fly off target. The tension now rose, the guests worked hard, the resident chaps scrambled, it was a close affair for sure. Burton for the Ammies dinked around the box, worked an opening and placed his shot - the framework was hit, how close was that? Next up and Harrison for the hosts hammered forth, won a free-kick, took it himself and blasted a sizzler that was mere inches astray. This scare forced Wythenshawe into action, No 12 (Keiron Molloy) went on a determined run, laid off to a colleague who crossed. Dodwell was quick to react, had one look, a second look and pulled the trigger - a cracking goal was the outcome - 3 - 2 - hold onto your undercarriage folks, things were gonna get frisky.
Down tbe back stretch we went, the visitors still pushed, a few efforts went close, Cheadle Heath Nomads were riding their luck and playing with fire. 2 corners came, the second was blazed in, the defensive header was firm but the respite temporary. As Cheadle broke they were caught out, Molloy was at the apex of a counterpunch, the protecting tackle of the home No 2 (Jack Warren) was absolutely top class. Time was now running out for the Wythy Warriors, a long ball came, Molloy was a persistent pain in the proverbials and snuck in, shot from an impossible angle and quivered the horizontal - unlucky man. Again the guests came, the ball entered the danger zone, Cheadle were just off the pace and a lunge came, a player felled and the penalty spot indicated by the man in black. Egan was the man to save his sides bacon, he struck the ball well and into the bottom corner. Tyrer dove low, stretched and produced a quality save that sent us into extra time with the Nomads looking to maintain their one goal advantage. A lot of bluster, heave-ho and mad dash action came and the game, as it turned out, stayed as it was. This had been a ruddy good contest, Man of the Match goes to Cheadle Heath Nomad's No 1 (Aaron Tyrer) for several good blocks, keeping himself under control (not an easy task for this enthusiastic fellow) and for a final save that did what it says on the box - saved the day. Good work man, I hope the lads get the drinks in for ya. Farewells and homeward, another great game, another 90 minutes well spent - no complaints at all.
FINAL THOUGHT - 5 pounds on the gate, 5 goals as a result, here are 5 reasons why you should support Non-league Football. One - you never fail to get value for money. Two - this is where the game is at its best and played with a honest reality. Three - without support these clubs would certainly go under. Four - the people involved are doing what they do because they love the game, it makes sense. Five - this game is still at the working man's level and the people you come across are, in the main, pleasurable enthusiasts who make for a good day out. Now think on! Today Wythenshawe Amateurs, despite losing, showed why they are at the upper end of the table and still sniffing for promotion. This was a huge dent in their ambitions, it could be a damaging nail in the coffin of fortune but they will be back and have some very, very good players in their ranks. They need to avoid too many verbals, focus on the skill and I reckon things can only get better. Cheadle Heath Nomads cause me to be a hypocrite. I am a neutral, I try to stay indifferent but I do like this side and feel welcome each and every time I go. They are an amiable bunch of people who run the team and the players themselves always give 100% and always leave one unsure as to the outcome. Today they did well to take the end prize but they do need to keep possession better and learn to calm matters down when holding the lead. They scraped home here but there are lessons to be learnt, as in the words of that famed butcher Jack Jones - 'Don't panic Mr Mainwaring, don't panic!'
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