CRAPPERY, CRACKERJACKS AND A CRIMINAL ESCAPE

9th October 2019 - Cheadle Town 2 v 2 Eccleshall FC -The day was spent leading a group of home-schooled kids and a few parents around a nature reserve in Warrington.  65 species of fungi were eventually nailed, we also saw some Smooth Newts, Frogs, 2 species of butterfly and 6 False Ladybirds.  A feisty Devil's Coach Horse took no nonsense and a Wood Mouse dashed for safety as we disturbed it beneath a log.  After the walk we indulged in tea and cake in a walled garden, it had been an all round positive day - to end it in fine style all I needed was a good footballing spectacle (oh how foolish can one be).  After a good pasta tea my good lady dropped me off at the ground as I was a bit offside and lacking in pep.  After a chinwag with the ever-friendly guy on the gate, I had a brew with Stu of STP, a chat with the dad of the keeper of Eccleshall who the last time I nattered with was at that fine haunt of Burscough FC.  For the first half myself and Stu opted to stand out at the side of the ground where Nettles abound and few folk are found.  My throat began to burn and I felt a trifle dizzy, oh bugger I knew that nibbling those fungi would catch up with me.

The teams came out as a little nip appeared in the air, the opening episode was a test of my patience as both teams stuttered like clockwork robots with shit in their cogs. I began to scribble, ooh me noggin.  Respite was given though via a wide awake home team who sprung from the traps, knocked a ball in from out wide that saw the guests ball watch and the resident No 11 (Benjamin Brooks) rise and easily nut home.  It was an encouraging start but from here neither team could gain a stranglehold on proceedings with Ecky playing long balls that just lacked accuracy and Cheadle working up a head of steam but failing to capitalise on their momentum.  

I found myself with very little to report until the guests had a free-kick that went into the perilous zone with No 10 (Shay Finney) looking to slam home.  The touch however was weak, I nearly produced my eraser for the first time this year (note I refrained from using the term 'rubber' - oh you vulgar swines).  Cheadle Town had a gratis boot next, No 7 (Justin Pickering) took command and sent in a curler that wasn't that far off the strike zone.  The Town pushed again, the Eck looked ruffled as the ball went in and out for a corner.  The cross was decent enough, Brooks rose but couldn't keep his effort below the bar.  Myself and Stu had seen enough and decided to wander for a cuppa, as we strolled round the pitch excitement remained minimal although I did note that one guy had left his flies half-undone and his dog had a hard-on - surely it wasn't caused by what was happening on the pitch!

The brew was swilled with gusto and we had a natter to more folk before Abbey Hey Pete joined us up in the stand with the fine couple we know from here, there and almost... everywhere.

The second half began with Cheadle pressing and a free-kick getting nutted downward and hoofed behind by a defender.  The corner went in and out, No 6 (Oliver Hatfield-Banton) tried to shake things all about but the attempt on goal had way too much elevation.  From another barren period the travelling pack had position in No Man's Land.  No 6 (Jake Langdridge) looked indecisive so gave the ball a boom towards goal where he had spied the keeper off his line.  The ball rose, the keeper back-pedalled, the ball dipped, the keeper looked a trifle perturbed.  As a hand reached up it was all too late and when the net bulged outward we had all witnessed a 40 yard peach that was the pinnacle of the game so far.  Brilliant!

Now the game had a little more potency and the first team to step up the quality in this midweek stodge would certainly find themselves with 3 more points in the bag.  Cheadle made a substitution, the player (Patrick Davin) was immediately in the thick of matters, a cross was found, No 10 (Paul Sunderland) left the turf and put his forehead on the globe, bang - 2 - 1 - surely this was the time for the home team to move on and kill the game dead.  Alas, this wasn't to be the case with a golden opportunity falling to the visiting No 7 (Luke Lewis) who only had the keeper to beat.  The shot was made, the mittman produced a solid save, the ball went loose, boom - over the bar it flew.

Now the game was better, the teams were playing with a little more expression, space was starting to develop.  A free kick for Eccleshall was dealt with, a return long ball was exquisite, the defending that saved the day was absolutely stupendous.  The game now entered the arse-end of the night, Eccleshall were striving to snatch a point but when they went down to 10 men after a sin-bin moment the last few minutes looked to be considerably uphill.  The team from Staffordshire were not giving in, a penalty claim was waved away and then they survived a scare as Town's Brookes put a header straight at the keeper.  Time was now the rarest commodity, Eccleshall pressed with nothing less than passion, turmoil was had in and around the opponents box, a penalty shout went up, the referee paused and then, quite controversially, pointed to the spot.  No 11 (Louis Downs) took charge, slapped the ball with firm belief, 2 - 2 it was, now where did that come from?  Before the final whistle blew The Town had one last charge to save face, Pickering was away, shot and forced the keeper to punch.  A corner was conceded, played in but the chance to grab a winner remained elusive - the points were shared and perhaps that was a true reflection of the game itself.  Man of the Match is difficult to say the least but the Eccleshall No 6 (Jake Langdridge) battled hard throughout and grabbed a goal that will live long in the memory - I suppose the nod is deserved for that moment alone and ends this report on something of a positive note.

FINAL THOUGHT - Judgement for both sides, on this performance at least, is best left to those who were wearing rose-tinted bins rather than the shit-stained specs of reality - believe me, this was not a thriller.  On the plus side, no team lost, we did get a wonder goal and a certain tenacity was displayed throughout.  Whether or not a clash of styles contributed to a duff do is up for debate or are both teams hitting a period were the wheels are wobbling and the pre-Christmas run up is looking harder than first deemed?  The hosts, to be fair, have never got truly running this time around, I am sure though that they can shift a few gears and make their league position a bit more pleasing on the eye.  Eccleshall are doing alright for themselves and I would love to see them progress further but this is one tough league and they are going to have to dig ruddy deep to maintain their lofted position.  I always love a trip down their end, a warm and welcoming place it is and me and the good lady will be there later in the season hoping that they are flying high and holding their own - hang in there folks, the road is, as ever, long, hard and always uphill.