SQUIBS, SQUEAKS AND SMOKE

5th November 2019 - Radcliffe FC 1 v 0 AFC Darwen -  A few seasons ago we had a visit to this ground for a cup match that saw the home team beat Burscough FC which included a few fine goals and an indulgence into the world of Pasty-opia.  We were returning tonight to partake of more delicacies and hopefully witness a few goals.  We expected the attendance to be marred by the fact it was bonfire night, an excuse for people to scare wildlife, piss off people's pets and, most horrendously of all, watch much hard earned cash go up in a brief spurt of utter nerve-jangling, simpleness.   The only fire that would be worthy of attending is when the Houses of Parliament burn down or if the good Lord sends down a bolt of heavenly lightning that sets ablaze that cancerous crippling commodity known as 'selfishness' - now that would be one big conflagration.  Away from my niggled punk stance and back to the football but maintaining the Fawke-esque slant and, after savouries and brews STP Stu joined us again with predictions were made.  The initials questions though were who would sparkle with success, who would be proven to be a soggy squib of embarrassment - the taper was duly lit - game on.

From a somewhat middling start a Darwen mistake in the middle of the park saw Radciffe's No 8 (Elliot Rokka) surge into space and have only the keeper to beat.  The shot that eventually came was dragged disappointingly wide but this was the start of a dominant period that saw the hosts persistently press like an aroused todger against the inside of some ill-fitting underpants and the guests sit deep and absorb like a pair of Discreet knickers (£6.99 a pack from Boots I hear, perverts go, go, go).  From the position of being on the back tootsie Darwen advanced several times, won gratis kicks and sent into the perilous zone numerous delicious deliveries.  The hosts were well-drilled and stood firm and continued to make most of the play.   As the sky lit up with multi-colored hues, annoying booms and bangs the action on the pitch still remained drab and without much to write home about.  

Out of the now smoky realms of the playing area a corner was cultivated from the Boro which in turn led to a follow-up cross that No 9 (Ben Wharton) connected with inches from the goal.  Somehow the globe went over the horizontal but undaunted, the same team came once more, a corner went in and out before No 6 (Matthew Crothers) dinked a delightful pass that saw No 4 (Tom Brown) blast with fiery zest.  The travelling No 1 (James Brindle) stood firm and produced a solid save with the ball going loose and there to be buried, somehow it was seen out of play.  Again the Darwen crew survived, again they won a free-kick in a decent position but once more the organised ranks of Radcliffe proved to be like the blinkered thinking of a self-centred politician - impenetrable.

As the half wore on 80% of the possession was for the home team with an equal statistical share of the pie indicated on the territorial graph too.  The half closed with No 10 (Matthew Wolfenden) going on a dazzling run that looked rather promising.  The Darwen pack closed in, worked as a unit and snuffed out the danger to go into the break all square.

A brew was had for half-time, the local fireworks had now fizzled out, the air had a stench of damp gunpowder and disappointment - all that money thrown away celebrating the life of a failed terrorist - silly gits.

The second half soon began, Rad pushed like a constipated mule, Darwen remained as patient as a soporific poker player with a handful of bullets.  Suddenly, against the flow, the visiting No 8 (Ben Langford) received the ball and made a quick dart.  A chance to shoot came from a reasonable distance, an extra touch was taken and the opportunity looked lost until composure was had, a space came and wallop, a gorgeous dipping effort was sent forth.  The ball was heading for just below the bar, the keeper stretched and tidily tipped over - that was indeed a good effort.  The corner saw the keeper push away for a throw which led to No 3 (Jamie Edwards) having a shot wide of the mark - promising to say the least!

From these slight scares the hosts reacted, a sizzling move saw Wolfenden lay off the ball to Crothers who, with the outside of the foot, sent in a sweet delivery that needed some last ditch defending to deny the incoming poacher right on the line.  Wolfenden had his own effort next after a good run saw the shank swing.   The shot was blocked, soon after Rokka wormed through, again his shot was dealt with, was it going to be one of those nights?

As Raddy pushed, Edwards for the guests gathered deep in his own half and ran the flank in a blur of whirring spindles.  The full length of the pitch was covered, a quality laden corner ensued, once more the resident ranks were immovable.  We now entered the closing stages, the clock was ticking quicker than the pacemaker of a fatman in a pork pie factory, this was going right to the wire.  A push and shove moment came, no cards were issued, the last 5 minutes were entered when, from nowhere, Raddy's Rokka was fed within the opponents box.  The guest No 5 (Luke Jarrold), who had been a reliable component all night, committed himself to a tackle that was clumsy and without malice.  Contact came, Rokka tumbled, the penalty spot was pointed to.  Up stepped the recently grounded player and struck home with ease, it was a sickener for the Darwen lads who had come with a plan that had very nearly worked wonders.   During the final stages the guests nearly got an equaliser but the shot just had a little too much outward bend and then Rokka for the leading team showed some cute skill to beat his marker and deliver a shot that was just shy of the upright.  The game ended soon after, Radcliffe had been the dominant force and had managed to squeak home with a late bonus.  The Man of the Match for me was an easy choice with Radcliffe's No 6 (Matthew Crothers) standing out as an exceptional player with great vision, an all round awareness and a touch that was showcased through a variety of passes and thru-balls.   A quality laden player for sure, one to keep his team fluent and competitive, nice one!

FINAL THOUGHT - And so, despite the promise of fireworks the main one's we got were off the pitch and on my ruddy tits they got too.  The game was far from a classic, the tea and scram were pretty decent though - one can't complain.  Radcliffe worked the ball well tonight and despite being frustrated they never let up and used the full playing area well and made sure their opponents worked mighty hard.  I liked the composure of the hosts and their determination to try and play good football rather than hoof it over the top and bumble their way to victory.  Maybe tonight was a game for such crude tactics, but full marks to the hosts for sticking to their guns and getting their just reward.  AFC Darwen came with the intention of soaking up and surprising and for the greater part of this match they proved themselves to be a tough nut to crack.  They are in the bottom 3 in their league, a position that doesn't reflect what was witnessed tonight.  They are better than what they think, I am going to make it my business to get up their end this season, it has been too long and when I do I am expecting the team to be rising in the ranks - you have been warned.