5th October 2020 - Maine Road 0 v 2 Vauxhall Motors - I am trying to get in a good fix of footy of late and am loving it - Non-League pure of course. Everything I do in life is based around things real and fair - the punk and noise I promote is at level zero, the nature walks I lead are for people who want to appreciate nature rather than use as a tool to make profit and ponce about and the footy I watch is still approachable and proper rather than the business-based crap forced home via the mind-corrupting goggle tube. The day today involved microscopy and looking at dung (tis a shit life at times), household chores, a swift fungal hunt and stretch of the pins and a minor chill that saw me watch an episode of George and Mildred and read a book on Cezanne (you gotta keep it varied tha' knows and you have to remember never to lend your lawnmower to anyone called Mr Roper. And Mr Cezanne was a subtle master who was not appreciated in his day).
Right, to the game tonight, I arrived in good time and was joined by STP Stu. We purchased a brew and choccy from the orifice in the brickwork and then made our way to our usual perches. We chewed the cud and pondered the night's match. We were joined by local'ish enthusiasts Sandra and Gareth, it seemed we were all in agreement that the hosts could be in for a right old tough challenge - the only way to find out is to read the following wordage.
The commencement to the game was brisk with the hosts attired in their usual powdery blue and the guests clad in the glow-in-the-dark Aurora lime. The Road exuded an abundance of vitality and desire with their No 7 (Youseff Belatter) a noticeable example of the industry shown. The first corner of the game dangled the initial offering of excitement - the execution was utterly atrocious and any spectator's pondering a nipple-tingling moment of high adrenaline were left with sorely deflated paps. From this let down the guests countered with a full length surge ending with a deep cross from No 3 (Joe Heath) who found the dome of the incoming No 7 (Noah Robson) who could only boom the ball shy of the strike zone. My tits perked up a little - at this rate I may soon be positively indecent!
Into the murk we went, the home lads now battled to garner a punt at goal with Belatter gathering from a good 20 yards out and striking a beauty with the outside of the foot. The globe rose, flew over the keeper and wobbled the bar - I think the effort deserved so much more. The Vox replied with a swift pass from the rear to Robson who dummied the ball and turned quicker than a lycanthrope's pecker under an autumnal supermoon. His marker was left for dead, a cross came, a cross may it be said of supreme quality and there, at the back of the box, was No 10 (Ben Holmes) to nut cleanly home. A simple but outstanding example of clinical football - tis what this side do.
From here the MR lads continued to work and contributed to what was a grinding spell of hoofing with little in the way of defining opportunity. This left me with very little to report and had me wondering if the recent edition of 'The Damage by Detrimental Dusts in the District of Darlington' was of greater entertainment value - the full page nude spread of the author, one Mr Malcolm Mote, certainly had me pondering the possibilities.
Eventually a pop at goal came, No 8 (Haydn Cooper) was the player to try and fracture the stranglehold. The effort was from range with the ball dipping before the keeper and leaving the mittman with no option but to turn the troublesome globe behind. The corner was poor and the host's attacked with Belatter once more the man at the apex, duly dinking in a cute cross that saw a shot blocked and a surprise penalty given. No 6 (Max Fenton) took responsibility on his shoulders, picked his spot and propelled sphere. The man between the sticks, No 1 (Ryan Crump), sprang the right way and saved mighty well, it was a big chance gone for the hosts and they looked utterly miffed. To add insult to the Blues the Heavens gave way and drenched all and sundry - as the saying goes, sometimes when it rains, it pisses down.
The first period wound down, Road's No 4 (Louis Edwards) hit a decent free-kick that just had too much elevation and then Belatter had time in the box to shoot but delayed the pull of the trigger and had his effort blocked at the last. At the other end Holmes chased a thru-ball but was met by an outcoming keeper who just did enough to make sure his side went into the break only one goal down.
With the rain falling the option of walking to the hole in the wall was ignored by we gathered onlookers and so we stayed put, nattered away and considered what the second half would bring. The home team had not helped their cause by missing the penalty but they were still in this one and as anyone knows 'football is a funny old game' - a bit like cock-fighting in fact, the difference being that two tussling cocks is far more damaging to one's foreskin.
Half-two, the guests flew from the coop like pigeons on the promise of a leftover pastie outside Greggs (ooh the greedy bastards). A string of passes came, a penalty was earned and Robson full-stopped the sequence with a wild shot that took a lick of paint off the horizontal albeit on the outside rather than the inside. The rain now fell by the bucketload, the pitch was getting greasier than the palms of Albert Arkwright when in with a chance of selling a tin of out-of-date Corned Beef. A tackle came in the middle of the pitch assisted by the precarious undersurface, a kerfuffle followed and Road's Fenton was requested to leave the game - I have no idea why but the red card was issued and that was indeed that!
The game now seemed to increase in pace, Robson for the Motor Men put in a cross, Cooper made contact and quivered the post. Corners came each way and were dealt with and then Robson trespassed forth again, sent in a low fizzer that needed a good save to keep the net from swelling. Soon after Robson sent in another cross, this time it was met by the substitute No 16 (Kieran Hamm) who let go a strong shot only to be denied once again by the resident No 1 (Pete Monteith). A corner came, was pushed away, the hosts looked to build but stumbled at the last, they were still in this though until...!
The VM squad had possession, they worked from the back with the ball going one way and then t'other. A low cross eventually came, a striker lunged, missed the ball but did enough to distract the keeper. Hamm was waiting at the back post and neatly scored the 2nd goal of the night - I think that was that - Maine Road looked down and out.
The closing stages were upon us, Cooper for Vauxhall should have added to his sides tally but completely missed the target and soon after he had another dig that saw the ball flash over the bar. The guests saw out the remainder of the game with solid efficiency. I considered the Man of the Match and went for Vauxhall Motor's No 2 (Kynan Mason) who was quietly solid throughout, kept his head when under pressure and always was an option when his team were playing at the back and looking to release - sometimes the unassumingly effective should not be ignored.
Homeward we went, the rain was not abating, fingers crossed tomorrow's game is on, I just can't get enough.
FINAL THOUGHT - So, we came, we avoided a soaking and we enjoyed. What we learned tonight was that Vauxhall Motors are carrying on from where they left off last year and going about their business in a mightily calculated and efficient way. They weren't on top showcasing form tonight but again, they got the job done and looked solid in all areas. They are a well-drilled unit who communicate well at all times and who work as one complete pack - they will be a tough nut to crack over the campaign and who is to say they won't be winning promotion come season end - it seems like a good bet to me. On the opposite side of the coin and Maine Road are facing a long haul in what is a mightily competitive league. They are in the midst of some real quality and no match should be taken lightly. Having said this, one thing is for sure, the application and desire from this unit will be 100% and the attitude and commitment will be of the same standard. Along the way they will have good days and bad days and I will be watching them several times over and wishing them all the best. The fact is though, 2 home games have resulted in no points, they are going to have to bag a win mighty soon or things may just take on a deeper shade of blue - see ya soon folks.
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