5th December 2020 - Bolton County 1 v 2 Stockport Georgians - The first match viewed after another COVID based interruption. In the interim, myself and my good lady fell foul to the pesky virus and are still feeling a bit off, work has cracked on as normal and I have made good headway on many fronts especially during the isolation period. A few mates have also been infected, a few conspiracy theorists fallen out with and some good eggs embraced for what they are. It has been a testing time for all as the government play human chess instead of trying to have empathy and understand that people are not guinea pigs. I could rant and rave but, like I say, I am still a little under the weather.
The day today was used well, up and out for a walk, a few fungi and birds were seen, the sky shone blue and the chill was decent enough and only forced me to water 2 standing trees with my golden yellow fluid. The best fungus found was one that feeds on caterpillars and pupae - Cordyceps militaris no less, a species that may one day mutate and take a liking for people - now there is a scary thought. A nip to the toilet for a quick whizz and an undercarriage covered in fruiting structures - very nasty.
After the walk a 30 minute journey was made to today's chosen ground where STP Stu and his good lady awaited with warming brews - what stars. Natters had, Mrs STP buggered off and we took up our viewing positions. The air was now holding a distinctive nip, we were hoping for some thermal radiance from a game that looked a real close call - here is what happened.
At 2pm the ball got rolling and a Kestrel hunted nearby, but which of the on-field predators would be the first to bag some prey or in fact, a goal? The opening sequences were fairly balanced but were nearly swung one way when a Georgians long ball saw No 9 (Joe Bevan) collect and dart and get tumbled in the box. Any contact was minimal, penalty claims rent the air from several regions but the referee stayed cool and waved play on. The guests followed up this moment with a foray forth that bore fruit in the form of a free-kick. The delivery by No 7 (Kyle Wych) was neat but no takers arrived and the home lads cleared their flustered ranks.
We were soon racing away up the other end with No 11 (Maz Shereen) out wide, cutting in and squeezing in a low grass cutter that needed hoofing off the line. In response the visitors strung together a quick 3 pass sequence from back to front with Bevan the apical component and having a low shot. The ball had good impetus, the keeper looked beat and indeed was, but the ball rolled the wrong side of the upright and the chance went down in the file of near misses.
From here the home team warmed up, gained a good period of possession with Shereen a permanent arse pain. The said player eventually received, put in a good cross that was just a little too pace-laden for the attacking bods. The globe was retrieved, played back, Shereen was on it again and from range let fly a beauty. The contact between boot and sphere was perfect with the outcome a top corner finish to salivate over (or indeed use as masturbation material if you are that way inclined, mucky git). It was a stunning opener - now then Stockport Georgians, what have ye got?
The game advanced, the guests were getting caught offside a little too often and in too much of a rush for their own good. Bolton were battling well, won a corner after much fuss regarding an offside call. The shouters and doubters were told to be quiet, the ball was delivered with No 4 (John Smally) nutting over. The trailing pack tried to react with two efforts by No 10 (George Blackwell) bearing no success. A free-kick hit the wall, a shot soon after was deflected wide and the corner dealt with - the County were standing firm.
The half wound down, efforts on goal came and went with Bolton's No 9 (Tom Axon-Smith) coming close when surprised by a ball at the back post that he just couldn't manage to bumble home. No 8 (Will Wareing) for the Georgians had a deflected dig that the keeper held well and Blackwell tried his luck again but the ball just had a tad too much uplift. Eventually the half ended - it was a good encounter so far and all set up for a ding-dong second period.
A piddle was needed for the swift interval, I was reluctant to part with the last warmth in my carcass, I knew I should have brought a few elastic bands and a wine cork. Back to the touchline slightly dithered and without time to fart the teams were back at it. (To note, I was in no way prone to flatulating as I had not eaten anything wind-inducing of late but I want folk to know that if I was expelling warm gases from my ring-piece all the locals would be invited to warm their hands on the expulsions - I just think it the Christian thing to do).
Half two, the Stockport set up was out with their tails now wagging. Pressure mounted but the hosts found respite with a quick burst. Alas the advances fizzled, the guests broke with a hat-trick of quick passes down the flank. Bevan was the last man in receipt, the head went down and goal was spied. The shot came, was thoughtfully placed and the meshing bulged, 1 - 1 - the perfect response after the break. Seconds later an attack saw Bevan felled in the box, shouts went up for a spot kick, the man in black ignored all. A shot came as play continued, the keeper tipped over and a corner kick was requested, again the man in the middle refused to agree, or was his hearing playing up - I suggest a lug trumpet.
A certain friskiness now crept into proceedings, Axon-Smith for Bolton was sent to the sin bin to repent of his misdemeanours and as his side went down to 10 man status they did well to gain a greater foothold and dig mighty deep. The numerically challenged pack won a corner, the ball went in and out, No 6 (Josh Evans) had a crack from distance - the outcome, a car in the parking area was now sporting an ugly round mark.
The action went from one end to the other - akin to a glutton with a bad case of vomiting and diarrhoea. No 2 (Liam Short) for the home lads had a pop, the keeper dealt with it all too easily and then the visitors broke and won an angled hoof. The ball entered the box, a header came, whose bonse it was was anyone's guess. A moment of terse panic was finalised with the ball bobbling over the line - who scored it I have no idea - I may need to do some on-line investigations.
With time now galloping by the leading unit looked to kill time whilst the team in deficit strove to summon a chance. The clock was unforgiving and raced on with the outcome being that we stayed as we were with little else to report. This had been a good tussle, a fair result would have been a draw but there ya go, this hoofing lark is never one to play fair. Man of the Match today goes to Stockport Georgians No 5 (Jamie Pickering) who I considered to be a monolith at the back, an immovable force who read the game mighty well and snuffed out the oncoming danger time and time again - strong stuff indeed.
With the game done we headed home, perished but happy with a good Non-League spectacle. Need I say, we will be back.
FINAL THOUGHT - After one match planned, called off, alternative arrangements made and then scuppered, things turned out mighty sweet in the end with a good day out watching two closely matched sides. Bolton County are a tough nut to crack and really made their opponents work for the win. They have a fine back line, a really competitive battling midfield and some pace up front with a willingness to chase a lost cause. I can't see why this lot will finish out of the top six, the qualities are there, all that is needed is a doggedness to stick at the task when results don't run their way - I hope to catch these on their travels next time, should be interesting. Stockport Georgians are top of the Premier League and today showed tough resilience and a desire to work from the trenches to turn around a 1 goal deficit and gain the win. The defence is well drilled, work as one and make a foundation on which the rest of the team can confidently build. Bevan up front is a menace and looks likely to bag a scrotum full of goals this season and several of his counterparts look liable to get a good fill too. A foolish man would bet against the SG Squad from winning the league but one never knows. All it takes is a lack of confidence, an assassination attempt on the manager or an outbreak of nob pox in the Stockport Borough and the team could be struggling. As a Stockport residence myself I hope the latter-mentioned plague of the privates doesn't manifest itself, I have only just recovered from the last bout which I believe I caught balancing a Wood Blewit on my willy - I should know better but alas, I don't!
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