21st August 2021 - Avro FC 1 v 1 Runcorn Linnets - I awoke early and did some gardening today. I felt fine until catching up on a few computer chores and the head went for a trip down 'Wanky Lane'. As I typed and the vertigo molested the mind I looked out of the window and saw the skies turn to dishrag grey and let loose a filthy overspill. I am a stress head, an anxiety riddled git who runs on hard worked batteries, thankfully today's football had enough temptation value to keep me moving 'forward'.
Some scran, a few more books sold, a quick swill (especially the testicles, by heck they were clammy) and out me and the good lady went. I was dropped off at the Vestacare Stadium whilst my wife went to see her mum - I think the fact that I had my freshly scrubbed conkers on show made up her mind. I met my good comrade STP Stu soon after and it goes without saying chips and a brew were acquired from the Macies Diner (always excellent). I gave the old belfry several shakes and supplied the hooter with a good squirt of Olbas Oil after the scran - my tubes are tightening, my scrotal sac loosening - ah if only it were the other way round.
Seats were chosen today so as to avoid the liquid javelins and good natter was partaken of with many subjects arising. Predictions were made and to find out if we were 'Mystic Meg Wannabes' or 'David Icke Definites' you will have to read on and see what unfolds.
The FA Cup Tie kicked off at 3pm on the dot, the opening swathes of soccer action revealed two teams determined to play football on the deck and at their own pace. No major opportunities to bulge meshing arose until a swift Linnet attack saw the nimble-toed No 10 (Iwan Murray) charge and obligingly feed the eager No 11 (Dapa Olawaju). The man in possession gained a few feet on his marker, hammered in a low cross that duly struck the feet of the rear bod No 6 (Lewis Lacey) who could only watch on as the ball trickled over the line. An own goal - what a shabby start for the hosts.
After this nerve-inducing shocker the home lads settled back in but The Linnets conjured up the next assault with No 7 (MJ Monaghan) at the apex and sending in a low shot from middling distance that the keeper pushed away with slightly unsure hands. Runcorn continued from here with greater ownership of the ball and much impetus.
A little smattering of spice was added to the game with touchline verbals and on-field moaning making for a troubled brew liable to overflow. Avro won a gratis boot next with the ball delivered and some in-box mayhem ensuing. From the maelstrom of hectic action No 9 (Liam Ellis) rose, put noggin on ball and projected the said sphere... wide. Another free-kick was awarded for the hosts, No 11 (Kane Wallwork) propelled a bender that billowed the side-netting - by heck, that was closer than I thought possible. In response the Runcorn pack darted with Olawaju holding the ball at his feet, entering the box and then diving like a gannet with a belly full of kippers - cripes. The referee was having none of it and waved play on.
The game bore down on the half-time break, Avro were gaining a real foothold and a 4 pass move of nippy standards was finalised by a pop from No 10 (Louis Potts) who just couldn't keep the ball below the timber. Avro continued to press, a few balls were posted that were just denied the all important killer kiss and several other passes just lacked that the crucial composure factor.
With 5 minutes on the clock Avro won a corner that was delivered with good pedigree but could only shave the rising bonces. Before the break a final corner the same way was hit long, the ball then went out to No 8 (Jake Cottrell) who pinged one right at the awaiting keeper - 0-1 the game remained.
The break saw Stu and myself stay put, rain on balding heads can cause flashbacks and a certain purpling of the pate - I was in no mood to revisit the time when Fred Truman visited my home town and got his nob stuck in a bar billiards hole and I certainly didn't want my head turning violet and encouraging those who think it funny to refer to folk as 'bell-ends'.
The game restarted, The Linnets treated themselves to an utterly shit free-kick, good on em' (please add own sarcasm). Avro pounced, a cross ball, a header nutted goalward and a quality save made. Another surge followed, Potts posted a low pile-driver, the keeper tried to hold on but the ball spilled free and up popped Ellis to bury the scraps - a worthy equaliser that brought great joy to many home fans.
Next action and Avro won a corner that caused havoc in the Linnet's box. Eventually Ellis chanced his shank, the ball just had a shade to much elevation - similar in fact to the titties of Tessie O'Shea after she had discovered the wonders of wearing a Bust-O-Booster Scaffold Bra. The Avro pressure continued, a pressure that was also similar to that found in the aforementioned tit-sling. A corner came, the Runcorn keeper rose, missed the punch and saw his teammates somehow scramble the sphere clear.
Eventually the guests girded their loins and came on. A deflected effort saw an angled hoof come that merely led to a counter attack. No 7 (Daniel Byrnes) for the home lads knocked forth an absolute polished peach of a pass, that saw Ellis gather. The striker was in the zone, kept his head and neatly buried - the fans roared appreciation and then abuse as an offside flag was waved.
The game now had a true FA Cup feel, tension was mounting, the next goal would be utterly decisive it seemed. The fast paced action saw chances come, the closest being an Avro effort that needed blocking on the line. Substitutions were made, 10 minutes remained and both units tried to up the ante and get the all important glory goal. Another shot for Avro was had and was deflected over, the corner came and found the barnet of No 3 (Bailey Sloane) - the outcome - over the bar.
More pops at goal went shy of the strike zone and then... in the final seconds the Linnets swooped. One of their subs spied goal and took a pop, a deflection was had and the ball seemed to be going just inside of the post - darn these glasses, somehow the globe just missed the strike zone. Moments later, and we were done. A replay it must be, what a shame but such is cup football. This had been a good game and for me Avro's No 9 (Liam Ellis) deserves the Man of the Match award simply for being an utter menace, always an option and for galloping his legs off. Well done that man and good luck to all in the replay.
FINAL THOUGHT - a tidy little encounter this with two teams perfectly matched. The replay looks a tough one to call but and I wouldn't be surprised if penalties loom. Avro are looking to have a very strong season and may just surprise one or two folk along the way. Could they have a cup run, could they gain promotion? Looking at the evidence today it is possible but rest assured, it will not be easy. The key today was the grit and determination shown, if this is a factor in each and every 90 minute encounter Avro may just shake things up. The Linnets, since flying free of the NWCFL are doing Ok - nothing more, nothing less and seem to have some very decent players in their midst. Murray has mercurial feet, Olawaju is a real darting dynamo and there are several cool customers at the back. They are in a league with some tough teams and some who have dosh to spare - I think they should more than hold their own though and hopefully will catch them again at some point.
After the game I tried to chill out and pondered why I have used with words beginning with 'V' to name this report. I had no idea but then tried to outdo myself and come up with a sentence with 4 'V' word - I came up with 'Vera Duckworths Vagina is Very Volatile' - now I know why my head is spinning!
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