Tuesday, 6 September 2022


3rd September 2022 - Knutsford FC 0 v 3 Denton Town - I was bordering on the domesticated today and was dragged shopping with the good lady.  I don't think the invite will be repeated anytime soon as I wandered around the supermarket not knowing where anything was and throwing in the odd unnecessary item at the merest whim.  Returning home I reviewed a few tracks off an outstanding CD and then we both got ready and headed out.  We had time to kill, a call in at a Garden Centre saw the missus get some new clothes and then we had a walk on Knutsford Heath and recorded a few species.  There was an absence of fungi, Common Earthballs were the best we could summon although Dripping Man Balls came a close second due to the somewhat clammy weather.  We left the car where it was and arrived at the ground 30 mins before kick-off and were greeted by a lovely amiable gent on the gate (these pleasant greetings and friendly ways go a long way with us, we must make more of an effort to support Knutsford this year).  Brews were soon had and in the executive viewing area we went, with the rears parked on a bench, then on a high chair before eventually opting for the cushioned buttock supports that pleased the posteriors no end.  In fact the last time my arse was so pleasured was when a Jackie Pallo look-a-like paid me a visit and put me in a full rectal-nelson - ooh heck.

So, in position and joined by a young man I have known since he was 6 (19 years ago), we watched the game unfold whilst I scribbled some spidery notes.  

Denton were at it fast, a gratis-hoofing came, the result was a punt straight at the mitter.  A same bonus boot came the other way, it was walloped straight out of play.  From this underwhelming commencement that left the nipples of excitement rather flaccid rather than turgid wine corks the visiting pack swept forth with liquid ease.  The ball went one way and then the other, a cross ensued with No 9 (Jordan McCann) on it but denied by the whistle signalling an offside decision.

After this initial scare Knutsford held onto possession for several minutes until a careless pass saw the Towns No 8 (Caleb Affleck) profit and pass.  The recipient of the globe was No 2 () who blazed the wing like an arsonist under a death threat.  The man marking the fiery darter was left behind, the ball was played into the box and the header was buried by No 10 (Josh Rushby) from all of 2 feet - what a fine goal this was.

From here the leading squad came again, Rushby was in possession, a shot was on but a pass was made to McCann but the pace of the ball was too rich and the latter player could only find the side netting (much to his annoyance). Knutsford bounced back with a corner that was well struck and duly met the cranium of No 14 (Graeme Brotherton) who put the ball just off target - it was a definite chance to get back into this one, a chance that may be strongly rued.

Despite the goal, there was little in this as a contest but Denton were working better off the ball and giving hint at why their season has been so successful so far.  A bit of pointless tetchiness came and went before Denton started to up the ante. Balls came into the Knutsford box, most were dealt with except one that saw a ball over the top find McCann's chest.  The globe was controlled, the keeper rounded, the bag bulged - sometimes this footballing lark can be made to look as easy as 1, 2, 3.

From here to the break Knutsford were very much on the back foot with numerous surges just about dealt with and the chance of a breakaway goal not even looking likely.  In fact the Knutsford pack did well to summon one late surge that was finalised with a toe-poke by No 9 (Connor Burgess) with the guest keeper doing enough to put the attacker off and duly miss his attempt on goal.  The referee called time to the half, Denton were continuing their goal roll, Knutsford were facing a spiral to oblivion, the prongs up front needed sharpening and urgency off the ball needed turning up to situation 'red light'.

We had another drink for the break, caught up with a few faces and settled our rears in the awaiting chairs.  It were a grand day out lad and we are happy to be idle.

Half two began with Knutsford out sharpish, No 10 (Tom Bowey) found space and cracked forth a well placed shot that the No 1 (Gift Efosa Eichie) followed all the way and stopped with an outstretched hand from nestling in the top corner - it was a wonderful save.  A corner followed, Denton stayed safe but the home pack kept on pressing and now actually looked like a team capable of scoring.  The new arrival, No 17 (Aaron Burgess), for the hosts looked a threat and got tumbled a couple of times with the resultant free-kicks disappointingly producing nowt,  After Brotherton had a tame header go wide, The Town broke. No 11 (Elvis Omorogbe Ojo) posted a good ball into the box that No 9 McCann touched forth with the keepers hand just doing enough to deny the third goal. Soon after McCann had a volley over and then the Knutty Boys won a free-kick that 18 (Max Kennedy) delivered.  Bodies fell, shouts rent the air, the referee ignored all and made sure the game kept flowing.

The next goal nearly came for Knutsford when a neatly struck free-boot found Brotherton at the back stick who nutted into the danger area with Bowey arriving to half the deficit.  Alas the shot went over the bar, it looked as though that was a crucial miss and banished all hopes of a comeback.  From a further cost-free kick for the hosts Denton broke. McCann provided for Rushby who took one look and buried - it was the ultimate slap in the mush for the resident ranks (ouch).

The closing stages saw Knutsford dig deep but waste chances and Denton see things out without too much fuss.  The game ended and I was left to ponder Man of the Match and due to a relentless work rate and for being a pain in the opposing forces proverbials the choice goes to Denton Town's No11 (Elvis Omorogbe Ojo) - what a knackering stint - no wonder he limped off with cramp.

We said farewells to many folk and drove home quite fagged out.  Another busy day was planned for the morrow, we do like to crack on.

FINAL THOUGHTS - As ever, a visit to watch Knutsford FC turned out to be a pleasure, it was a shame the day was so unenjoyable for the host team.  There is a work in progress here but by heck, to achieve anything, the players need to stick together, work their knackers off and make sure, when going forth, they do so with pace and with a unity.  Today they had about as much chomp up front as a toothless Hilda Baker and the overall team cohesion was lacking, especially when the team wasn't in possession. We will return later this year and, maybe catch the team away, we expect a better do all round, if not, the team could be spiralling down the all consuming shit basin of misery - it ain't a nice way to go.  Denton Town now have 7 wins out of 7, the league I feel is there for the taking, all the team need do is keep working like whizzed up wankers off the ball and make sure when they shoot they shoot with impregnating accuracy and leave the opposition tubbed up with many cross-eyed sprogs of disappointment.  So far the Town are having things go their way, harder tests will come and I will hopefully be there to witness many of them as well as a long and successful season.

NB - this is my 394th match report - I shall hand-pick 6 more then have a break - quality over quantity will be the approach, with of course a little digressive deviancy of orthodox decency.

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