5th August 2023 - Maine Road 2 v 1 Barnton FC - The day started with the outside world battered by lashing rain. I stayed indoors and spent time reviewing a CD by Violent Solution. It had many hardcore elements and some solid songs, my fave of which was 'Wankers Utd', a number that raved against the money grabbing filth at the upper end of the footballing game - oh aye, parasitical bastards. After battering the lugs I did a spot of microscopy and confirmed a species of Eyelash Fungus, namely (Scutellinia olivascens). As time ticked on I had a work out on the punchbag (no not the old dear who lives next door) and built up a good lather before a quick swill and a shave of the noggin. Eventually my missus drove me to the ground whereupon she went home to chill, it had been a tough week after the Mother-In-Law's funeral, it is the emotive strain that creeps in that is a real niggler. Upon arrival I spied a few fungi, one of which I collected for ID after the match. I purchased a brew and Mars Bar and had a wander round the ground before finding my spot and chatting to a few fine faces and Maine Road players. The game looked set to be a close one, it was indeed just that and here are my Fungalised observations.
The opening gasps of the game saw Barnton make the early running whilst displaying some swift moves and many pairs of tidy tootsies. Despite this The Road won an early corner that No 7 (Nathaniel Oseni) posted with a high degree of accuracy. The crown of the incoming No 6 (James Perry) was met, the contact was firm and on target but the keeper had his orbs on the ball and gathered well.
A lull in the rain was now broken as the clouds fractured and droplets fell. Barnton were undeterred and made the next sortie forth. No 11 (Adam Moseley) burst from the pack like a testicle from a pair of torn speedos. The shot that came went wide, in truth it should have brought about the opening goal. The game continued with good pace with the guests still pressing and passing in an impressive manner. The Road were holding their own though with No 2 (Ronny Pepe) working up a good lather and putting in several good tackles.
The visitors continued to push, 2 corners held promise but bore barren fruit. A superb Maine Road move followed. 3 delicious midfield touches led to No 10 (Yousif Yousif) being released. The striker fired immediately (perhaps a little prematurely), the keeper stood his ground and produced a quality save. A corner soon ensued, Oseni was once more responsible for a quality postal service with Perry at the back post once again providing the belfry contact with the ball ending up in the onion bag and duly breaking the deadlock. Solid stuff.
Barnton were now asked a serious question, they worked hard to provide a substantial answer. A long hopeful cross came, the home mitter advanced, misjudged matters and No 3 (Ellis Bolton) put bonce on ball but missed the target zone. A free-kick for the hosts was countered by a swift break, Pepe was there once again and put in an outstanding tackle - cracking stuff.
At this point the two brews I had guzzled had made their presence felt and the old John Thompson was niggled. A quick pop at the back of the stands whilst trying to watch the game saw my boots splashed (literally) and the bladder relieved. I must order some Tena Pads before the next game (non sexual of course). Tucked in and on my toes I returned to my viewing spot to see a lengthy Road ball find No 9 (Francesco Frangillo) who had a chance to double the lead. Once more the guest No 1 (Dale Latham) did what was needed and held firm.
The half rattled on, a Barnton corner nearly added to the excitement levels when the Road keeper fumbled but no takers were on hand to punish the error. The Villagers were now relentless and found the net after another good move but offside was given and rightly so. Moseley for the black and white clad team came on, a neatly threaded pass found No 9 (Tyler Rufus) whose shot went just over the bar. A corner was awarded (don't ask me why) that saw the globe go in, out and back in again from the boot of No 10 (Justeace Nichols-Holness). The shot was low and firm but the keeper watched it well and saved with relative ease.
The half ended with a few minor chances and much bluster. It had been an entertaining 45 minutes - more of the same would do quite nicely thank you.
As the miserable skies bled lucid liquid I stayed put and nattered with a few fine folk. John D was still doing well with his prosthetic limb company, Josh Clegg's grandad duly won the raffle and Tommy Duffy's dad tried to sell me a Betamax Tape that showcased the Golden Years of Maine Road FC (all 5 minutes of it) as well as some signed nude photo's of a current Maine Road player - I picked up a tape out of sympathy and a few photographs for purely therapeutic reasons.
And with the tape bagged, the polaroids in the back pocket the second half was viewed. Barnton put together the first promising move with the apical shot just flashing wide. This was followed by a corner which saw the ball lofted high into the dishrag grey sky. The globe descended, the keeper hollered but landed on the deck and a free header for No 5 (Harvey Woodhouse) saw the scoreline levelled. It was a poor goal to concede but Barnton did deserve it.
The Road rallied, a move from a corner saw Perry produce a shank-wank shot that caused little in the way of concern and a long ball followed that looked laden with potential but the guest gloved git read it well and cleared.
A few more hoofs and doofs, the tension was building, the next goal could very well be the 3 point prize grabber. Barnton were retaining the ball well, Road were looking to break but were a little to slow to make for any menace. The resident lads however did win a free-kick in a positive position with Oseni yet again delivering a quality ball. Alas for the demon with the dead ball, all wannabe assassins arrived a little too late and the danger passed.
A good game this, plenty to scribble about and some good football being played. Maine Road began to show more belief and looked a far better prospect when surging forth. The next advancement saw the beefy Oseni dart like a weasel on whizz only to be thwarted at the last - the oxygen mask was waiting as the player puffed his way back into position. After a Barnton shot was saved and ruled offside anyway, a free kick saw No 8 (Abdi Addow) for the hosts produce a dipping banana shot that looked for all intents and purposes to be destined for the bottom corner of the netting. Great gasps went up when the upright was wobbled and the ball hoofed clear. Moments later a corner the same way brought more excited exhalations as the keeper gathered on the line, dropped and just about managed to retain possession. Phew.
Barnton now broke with zeal and the move was slicker than the chat up lines of Burt Reynolds (ooh the oily bastard). The sphere was played across goal, an incoming bod pulled the trigger and skied the ball, that was a big chance.
There were now 5 minutes (plus extra) on the clock, the home team were showing a real desire to win this one. The substitute and extra nippy No 16 (Yasir Salim) was nearly in but met with some stout defending. Soon after, a quick move in the box saw No 15 (Tommy Duffy) lay off to Salim who wriggled in and poked home much to the joy of all his teammates and the the onlooking fans. It was all too much for some, who duly invaded the pitch and danced with the players - it was good to see.
The final throes saw Barnton stride forth and knock in another high ball. The keeper rose and grabbed and held on tight - soon after the game was done - what a good show. After a chat and farewells I pondered the Man of the Match and duly gave the nod to Maine Road's No 2 (Ronny Pepe). A solid effort, reading the game well, working hard and always aware and listening to the shouts around him. The lad looked buggered at the end - my applause were genuine.
Leaving the ground it was surprising to see that Josh Clegg's grandad had necked the bottle of wine he had won in the raffle and was dancing bare-chested in the car park singing 'My Heart Belongs To The Road' - he seemed happy enough and I just hope the hangover wears off before Monday's game at Stockport Town.
FINAL THOUGHTS - Well, what good value and what an applaudable effort both teams put in. Barnton are a good unit with many quality players and a good footballing style. They may have come unstuck today but rest assured, there are many teams who are going to be bulldozed by this lot and I reckon a top 6 finish is very much on the cards if the players stay together and believe. I like the way they play, the constant threat they pose and their on-the-deck skill and speed - I wish them sincere good fortune and hope to see them again soon. Maine Road do what they do and can win with style, win ugly or equally lose when least expected. They are no mugs though and have a good ethos and a mixed bag of styles that will always pull out a win when least expected. There are still areas to work upon. The sitting too deep is a problem at times and is really highlighted as soon as the team play higher up and seem a completely different unit. For non-league entertainment though there is no finer place to be - good folk, good atmosphere, unpredictability and of course, the odd drunken lout in the car park - have it.
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