11th January 2019 - Barnton Town 0 v 3 Wythenshawe Amateurs - Yes, that Friday feeling folks when you have done your first week back at work after Christmas, are absolutely fagged out, in need of a bit of sunshine and have got trouble with the old water works. The John Thomas, the kidneys, the bladder and the dangling conkers are all tender and misfiring as this old git is prone to bouts of prostatitis and kidney stones. As per, with every attack I have to be checked out and so, some oiled up doctor with hands like shovels will be awaiting the arrival of this fungal git to poke, prod and penetrate and send on his limping way. It ain't no fun getting old and after coming off my bike a few months back and knackering my hip, having permanent ringing in the ears through years of sonic abuse and with more creaks and cracks than the members of an arthritic whorehouse I can honestly say that 'growing old disgracefully' seems to be my thing. So, with expletives, 'ouches' and a desire to piddle I finished work, was kindly picked up my the missus today rather than cycle home, had tea and then set out with the best woman in the world to this not too distant ground. On the way down we listened to another Fear on Four, this time about some school girls making sacrifices - what a trio of nasty buggers they were!
Into the ground we went, took up our positions and had a brew. There was to be no football tomorrow as I had a gig to organise - Nottingham Splonk Invasion - 9 DIY acts from the anal regions of the acoustic world - time for me to don the rubber gloves and investigate for a change. The match tonight looked as though, on paper at least, an away win was on the cards but I am never sure - I think that I am learning a lesson at last - we shall see.
The ball went rolling on the stroke of 7.45pm, at 7.46pm Barnton had a surge dismantled and Wythenshawe's No 5 (James Russell) went into the book - oh heck, surely not one of those nights! From this point the guests dictated the pace of proceedings with a couple of cracks on goal. The early shining light was the visiting No 6 (William Ahern) who was up for the task, knocked some cute balls around and appeared in more areas than the pimples on Albert Steptoe's arse. Barnton opted to play 'breakaway' football with one such escape leading to a throw in which came and saw their alert No 10 (Ryan Malone) get thwarted by a defensive foot at the very, very last. From further fluster the first ripple of the meshing eventually came the way of the Whammies with a free-kick sweetly executed into the box that saw No 10 (Daniel Egan) rise and nut home to give a deserved lead - or so it seemed. On the far side a wee man in black and assassin of celebrations waved a little coloured flag! The poor man was deemed a 'wanker' and a 'shithouse' but the goal was denied - please try again!
Further into the mush of the match we strode, a Wythenshawe corner was superbly hoofed in, the header that came was concrete but the ball wouldn't fall quick enough and walloped the bar and went over. Barnton seemed to be on the cusp of cracking, fissures were beginning to a appear, the travelling pack were ready to pounce. The Villagers tried to advance, the ball was lost and the Wythy lads sped away. The attack was swift, without overindulgence and the end shot was firm but deflected into the keepers arms. A free-kick came the other way, was wasted, the blue and whites broke again, Ahern received and struck with the home No 1 (Aaron Lyons) saving well. The ball went out and back in, the upright was boomed and once more the globe was loose. A cross came, the tap home by No 7 (Rory Fallon) was long overdue - 0 - 1 it was - here we go then. Immediately from the re-start Wythenshawe were marauding and molesting like Elton John in a public shithouse! Ahern played a peach of a pass, a cross followed and No 15 (Joel Aikenhead) shot just wide - it was a good move worthy of more. No sooner had notes been made than the same team came again - a simple long ball to No 9 (Jordan Burton) was gathered on the edge of the box, a quick turn followed, a swing of the shank and wham, 0 - 2 and what a way to double the lead. Fantastic stuff!
The traffic remained mostly one way, the odd squirrel of hope Barnton offered was squashed beneath the rolling wheels of the hungry opponents. There were now only a few minutes left of the first period, Burton tried to place his next shot and just missed the top corner and then, as Barton looked to build from the back, the ball was pilfered, Burton accepted and raced forth, shot and brought up the third. It was, in all truth, a game killer, this one looked over and done with and when the referee blew soon after I did wonder how the 3 points could go anywhere else other than back to South Manchester.
A biscuit and a brew were enjoyed by me and the missus and for the second half we were joined by that grand gent and Cheadle Heath Nomads Secretary, Neville Pearson. It was a surprise to see him due to the fact that on Friday, Saturday and Sunday night's Nev is usually dressed in drag performing at the Denby Dale Working Men's Club under the pseudonym of Gladrags Glenda - The Girl with Gonads. After inquiring about his presence I came to understand he had been cancelled at the last minute after the chairman had unexpectedly swallowed a Greenfinch - hence Nevs appearance tonight and the few feathers falling from his pockets - very sinister!
Half two came, it began in a scrappy style, the guests remained in charge, the hosts dashed with pride and tried ruddy hard to save face and get a goal. The first effort on target came via Wythie's Burton, the shot was firm but could only find the keeper's guts. At t'other end Barnton earned a corner which duly came and allowed a close-in header that raised a lowly gasp of belief. Alas the ball left crust and entered gloves all too tamely and we remained as we were. Some dubious decisions hindered the flow, little in the way of nipple-tingling excitement came and then, as Wythenshawe broke, No 6 (Daniel Jarrett) clumsily defended and received his second yellow of the night. Like a gent he accepted the decision and wandered off - sometimes behaviour like this needs noting amidst all the gobbage and vocal nonsense. The ensuing free-kick was wasted, Barnton broke and looked to recompense themselves for the loss of a man. No 7 (Luke Wilson-Jones) dinked and shot - the save was regulation and worry free. A corner was the result, it came and Wythenshawe broke with Fallon at the helm. The man in possession trespassed, he was chased down but managed to get a cross away which Burton got his head on but put disappointingly over the horizontal.
We galloped to the last, a Whammies ball came, a choice header, the Barnton keeper produced a wonderful save to keep the deficit bearable. The closing minutes were frantic, No 16 (Marcus Burnett) let one go for Wyhthy (dirty bugger), which wasn't that shy of the mark and then a late free-kick the same way brought another outstanding piece of mitted work that was duly applauded by all. The final throes fizzled out and the night air was eventually blessed with the punctuating whistle - we were done, it had been a rough night for the hosts but Wythenshawe Town were on it and the Man of the Match goes to their efficiently organised and disciplined rear man No 3 (Joseph Denman). Every good performance needs a sturdy foundation on which to build and many reliable components at the back - here was one fine example. We pootled off with another game under the belt - tis all good stuff!
FINAL THOUGHT - So the last ponderings and to Barnton we go first. The team worked hard tonight and ran themselves into the ground and all for sweet FA. Observations are of a team who just need to vary the execution and play from back to front making sure the pitch is used to its full potential and many angles are thrown in. They looked to run out of ideas and options tonight and up-front lacked a potency to throw a spanner into the works of their very effective opponents. The team are now sitting in 12th position it could be worse don't ya now and there is still much promise to be cultivated. Wythenshawe Amateurs are a good side, hence they are top of the pile as things currently stand. Tonight they dictated, moved and passed with swift focus and got the 3 goals when things were looking set to be mighty difficult. They have many good players and some good off-field support but they will need to work darn hard to clinch promotion as there are several other tasty outfits in the mix. Come season end they will be thereabouts though - a fool would bet against them rising further but time will only tell. As per, consistency is the key and of course, desire - they may just have enough of both to see this challenge through - keep reading the scribblings folks and watching those league tables - we are in for one fascinating run in.
Saturday, 12 January 2019
Monday, 7 January 2019
THE CRUISE OF THE MOTORMEN
5th January 2019 - Vauxhall Motors FC 5 v 0 Alsager Town - An early start for me and the good lady with some birding and fungi hunting at Brotherton Park and Dibbinsdale NR followed by more of the same at Eastham Country Park that brought several decent sightings but nothing out of the ordinary. A couple of waxcaps in the woodlands of the former area were an odd sighting and a few fungal specimens on Gorse at the second place were very much appreciated. Slightly chilled we headed to the nearby Vauxhall Sports Club and had our dinner and then paid our dues and enjoyed a cuppa and a Lemon and Poppy Seed Muffin in the cafe - splendid. With 20 minutes to go we headed out and found our perches, the time ticked on and with a lowly turn-out of fans (58 recorded) the teams came out and the game got going. The home team, on paper, were favourites but as per, these games are a gamblers nightmare so it is best just to sit back and enjoy the dismantling of the conundrum.
The early stages of this contest were patchy, constipated and lacking any dissecting touches. The Motormen juddered, the Bullets fired blanks and excitement, to we neutrals, remained minimal. No 9 (Karl Noon) of the hosts had the first effort on goal, a low rasper that went straight at the the visiting keeper and got the blood flowing around the old mitts. The hosts pressed on from here, all to little avail as their opponents absorbed like a busted bag of Pampers but produced little in return like a bunged up baby on the shitbowl! As Vauxhall huffed and puffed The Town sprung and burst down the flank via their tricky dicky No 7 (Tyler Savage). A cross came, the ball, after a brief bounce here and there, ended at the feet of No 8 (Thomas Brown) who unleashed a thunderbolt that the keeper did well to get his outstretched fingertips to. The save was far from firm, the impetus of the strike was high and propelled the ball onto the upperside of the bar - now that was close The corner, after this elevation of hope, was crap! From this scare, the home team responded with a cross that missed the defender and striker but was met by No 5 (Thomas Mitchell) who duly netted and brought great joy to his team...and just as Alsager were growing into the game - rotten luck for sure and a sign of a team just not getting the rub of the green!
From here matters were untidy, the hosts always held greatest threat though with a corner just touched over the bar and then another move finding the crust of the hirsute No 4 (Matthew Carlin) who couldn't quite keep the globe below the horizontal. Into the last 15 minutes we bumbled, Alsager had another dash down the flank with a powerful cross just too high for the No 11 (Louis Downs) to make a worthwhile contribution. An angled hoof and a gratis-kick came the same way, the first was shambolic, the second headed by Brown but only into the meat of the mitter's carcass. Again the visitors came, Brown was in, a pass to Savage saw a quick swivel and a blasting boomer get sweetly touched away by the No 1 (Kristofer Leigh) at the very last. The corner kick ended in a tame header from No 5 (Ryan Goodwin) but this was better from the travelling team. After a shot the other end from Mitchell that was duly spilled but grabbed at the second attempt No 10 (Connor Leek) for Alsager showed a last explosion of persistence that won a free-kick. The ball was played short, Savage shot, the effort was cleared and we pootled off for a half-time cuppa. The ref blew before we reached the corner flag - very kind sir!
Some tea, a pee and a pootle to the opposite side of the ground to watch the game stood on our feet and to stretch the old framework - bring it on!
The recommencement of the game saw no quarter given, a lot of 'oomph' thrown in but a heap of finesse and culture blatantly lacking! The midfield mass became glutinous and an escape route was very much needed by two teams nullifying one another's ambitions. Vauxhall eventually began to flex muscle and strain sinew, No 6 (Joseph Heath) latched onto the culmination of a minor move but could only blast into the darkening skies. Alsager bounced back, a long ball saw Downs slap across and No 12 (Dominic Smith) make a weak connection that the keeper parried away without too much stress. From here the Vaux Populace struck with a counter that ended with No 7 (David Webb) at the helm and looking certain to bury. The shot came, the mittman sprawled and did a sterling job of protecting his meshwork but the ball went loose, fell to No 9 (Karl Noon) who buried and doubled the lead in quite simple fashion. The hosts now commanded, a header by Carlin could have brought up the third but remained in line with the awaiting keeper and then a ball went wide, No 15 (Damasa Kiwanda) sent in a fiery cross that was duly touched home by Noon and finished the game as a competitive affair.
The cold crept in, Smith slapped a shot in for Alsager from an acute angle with the ball blazing across the face of goal and causing only terse concern. The same team still tried to find a break and then, from sweet FA, the hosts knocked a ball from nothing to Mitchell who crept in, let loose a shot that was partially blocked but somehow still wandered over the line. 4 - 0, the cruel caning was complete. The last minutes were upon us, Kiwanda was allowed to race forth, he crept in and rifled an effort that bent the netting on the right side and added stinking shit to the many open sores of the suffering travelling team. The scorer tumbled and flipped with flamboyance - I think he enjoyed that. Before the final whistle Kiwanda roamed forth again, the ball looped over the wandering keeper and was somehow just touched wide - phew! At the death Webb had a shot that was saved and nearly, so very nearly, crept home...and then we were done. We wandered off wondering how the bloody hell this was 5 - 0 and where Alsager Town are going wrong. Man of the Match by the way goes to Vauxhall Motor's No 8 (Haydn Cooper) for a simply enthused and energetic performance that surely created a heat map to sizzle the statistical conkers of any analytical noodle in attendance. It was a workmanlike, efficient and impressive effort - he must be on some secret ingredient we don't know about!
FINAL THOUGHT - For Alsager Town the gear-stick of momentum was phallus-shaped and brutal and duly rogered a struggling team ragged leaving them in a discombobulated and disbelieving heap. I have seen them twice of late, the first time I had reason to have hope, this showing left me clueless. I don't think the game today was deserved of the scoreline, things were generally much closer but it was at the business end of matters were the ball ran unkindly and Vauxhall Motors were more urgent. The team now need to get back to basics, plug the gaps at the back, then tighten the midfield and battle like buggery and finally sharpen the frontmen and work on the confidence - if only things were that easy. Vauxhall Motors did what was required of them today although in a game that was messy, lacking any great thrills and against a side struggling to build up a head of steam. The league indicates both these units will be in this division come next year, it will be interesting to see what the next 12 months will bring and when this fixture is repeated what the outcome will be. I feel the hosts have more to offer and if the squad can remain consistent and injury free then true success may be borne...then again, as I say, if only things were that easy!
The early stages of this contest were patchy, constipated and lacking any dissecting touches. The Motormen juddered, the Bullets fired blanks and excitement, to we neutrals, remained minimal. No 9 (Karl Noon) of the hosts had the first effort on goal, a low rasper that went straight at the the visiting keeper and got the blood flowing around the old mitts. The hosts pressed on from here, all to little avail as their opponents absorbed like a busted bag of Pampers but produced little in return like a bunged up baby on the shitbowl! As Vauxhall huffed and puffed The Town sprung and burst down the flank via their tricky dicky No 7 (Tyler Savage). A cross came, the ball, after a brief bounce here and there, ended at the feet of No 8 (Thomas Brown) who unleashed a thunderbolt that the keeper did well to get his outstretched fingertips to. The save was far from firm, the impetus of the strike was high and propelled the ball onto the upperside of the bar - now that was close The corner, after this elevation of hope, was crap! From this scare, the home team responded with a cross that missed the defender and striker but was met by No 5 (Thomas Mitchell) who duly netted and brought great joy to his team...and just as Alsager were growing into the game - rotten luck for sure and a sign of a team just not getting the rub of the green!
From here matters were untidy, the hosts always held greatest threat though with a corner just touched over the bar and then another move finding the crust of the hirsute No 4 (Matthew Carlin) who couldn't quite keep the globe below the horizontal. Into the last 15 minutes we bumbled, Alsager had another dash down the flank with a powerful cross just too high for the No 11 (Louis Downs) to make a worthwhile contribution. An angled hoof and a gratis-kick came the same way, the first was shambolic, the second headed by Brown but only into the meat of the mitter's carcass. Again the visitors came, Brown was in, a pass to Savage saw a quick swivel and a blasting boomer get sweetly touched away by the No 1 (Kristofer Leigh) at the very last. The corner kick ended in a tame header from No 5 (Ryan Goodwin) but this was better from the travelling team. After a shot the other end from Mitchell that was duly spilled but grabbed at the second attempt No 10 (Connor Leek) for Alsager showed a last explosion of persistence that won a free-kick. The ball was played short, Savage shot, the effort was cleared and we pootled off for a half-time cuppa. The ref blew before we reached the corner flag - very kind sir!
Some tea, a pee and a pootle to the opposite side of the ground to watch the game stood on our feet and to stretch the old framework - bring it on!
The recommencement of the game saw no quarter given, a lot of 'oomph' thrown in but a heap of finesse and culture blatantly lacking! The midfield mass became glutinous and an escape route was very much needed by two teams nullifying one another's ambitions. Vauxhall eventually began to flex muscle and strain sinew, No 6 (Joseph Heath) latched onto the culmination of a minor move but could only blast into the darkening skies. Alsager bounced back, a long ball saw Downs slap across and No 12 (Dominic Smith) make a weak connection that the keeper parried away without too much stress. From here the Vaux Populace struck with a counter that ended with No 7 (David Webb) at the helm and looking certain to bury. The shot came, the mittman sprawled and did a sterling job of protecting his meshwork but the ball went loose, fell to No 9 (Karl Noon) who buried and doubled the lead in quite simple fashion. The hosts now commanded, a header by Carlin could have brought up the third but remained in line with the awaiting keeper and then a ball went wide, No 15 (Damasa Kiwanda) sent in a fiery cross that was duly touched home by Noon and finished the game as a competitive affair.
The cold crept in, Smith slapped a shot in for Alsager from an acute angle with the ball blazing across the face of goal and causing only terse concern. The same team still tried to find a break and then, from sweet FA, the hosts knocked a ball from nothing to Mitchell who crept in, let loose a shot that was partially blocked but somehow still wandered over the line. 4 - 0, the cruel caning was complete. The last minutes were upon us, Kiwanda was allowed to race forth, he crept in and rifled an effort that bent the netting on the right side and added stinking shit to the many open sores of the suffering travelling team. The scorer tumbled and flipped with flamboyance - I think he enjoyed that. Before the final whistle Kiwanda roamed forth again, the ball looped over the wandering keeper and was somehow just touched wide - phew! At the death Webb had a shot that was saved and nearly, so very nearly, crept home...and then we were done. We wandered off wondering how the bloody hell this was 5 - 0 and where Alsager Town are going wrong. Man of the Match by the way goes to Vauxhall Motor's No 8 (Haydn Cooper) for a simply enthused and energetic performance that surely created a heat map to sizzle the statistical conkers of any analytical noodle in attendance. It was a workmanlike, efficient and impressive effort - he must be on some secret ingredient we don't know about!
FINAL THOUGHT - For Alsager Town the gear-stick of momentum was phallus-shaped and brutal and duly rogered a struggling team ragged leaving them in a discombobulated and disbelieving heap. I have seen them twice of late, the first time I had reason to have hope, this showing left me clueless. I don't think the game today was deserved of the scoreline, things were generally much closer but it was at the business end of matters were the ball ran unkindly and Vauxhall Motors were more urgent. The team now need to get back to basics, plug the gaps at the back, then tighten the midfield and battle like buggery and finally sharpen the frontmen and work on the confidence - if only things were that easy. Vauxhall Motors did what was required of them today although in a game that was messy, lacking any great thrills and against a side struggling to build up a head of steam. The league indicates both these units will be in this division come next year, it will be interesting to see what the next 12 months will bring and when this fixture is repeated what the outcome will be. I feel the hosts have more to offer and if the squad can remain consistent and injury free then true success may be borne...then again, as I say, if only things were that easy!
Wednesday, 2 January 2019
GHOSTS, GRUB AND GOALS
1st January 2019 - Kidsgrove Athletic 1 v 1 Chasetown FC - The crack of dawn came, we three roamers shifted our carcasses and set out to start the New Year in the usual doofing style. An early morning walk at Knypersley Reservoir got the annual wildlife sightings underway and was a new stomping ground on which we set our feet. 8 Bramblings and a Sparrowhawk were the pick of the birds and 35 species of fungus were seen too, the best being the Winter Polypore (Polyporus brumalis) - quite a subtle stunner. A short drive was had after lunch to Bathpool Park (another new place) where we had another wander and saw a few different species. A quick change and we pootled to the targeted ground which was also a place we had not visited before and after paying our way through the turnstile we took in the ambiance of this Evo-Stik arena and had a much needed cuppa and some fine chips. Kidsgrove is famed for being home to a headless ghost known as the 'Kidsgrove Boggart'. The ghost is said to be that of a young lass who was murdered inside the Harecastle Tunnel, a tunnel that is found along the Trent and Mersey Canal. Sinister indeed and this discovery had me pondering other ghostly tales I have come across over the years such as 'Old Nobless Norman' of Batley who is said to flash his pecker-free parts to women of the night in the hope of a free hand-out and of course, old Fat Arsed Freda of ye Olde Plumpton Green, a 30 stone brute of a woman who is said to molest male members of the public who have been taken short and are duly dribbling behind a tree. For research purposes I spent 6 months urinating on the said Green, all I got was 2 chilblains on me John Thomas, a charge of Indecent Exposure and a new species of fungus that is said to rely on the golden liquid for the production of the fruiting body - Cockolitis pissonata - bonus. I do digress however (what's new there then I hear you say), and to the match we must go with the scribblings as ever, off the cuff, enthused and, I hope, ruddy well accurate!
The hosts dictated the early play with some keen passing and some sharp movement when, from a seemingly innocuous blip a ball was played back, the keeper and a defender both chased and in popped No 11 (James O'Neill) for the travelling team and slotted in the escaped globe to truly shell-shock all in attendance. This was a late Christmas gift for sure, Santa's sack was still leaking (ooh mammy) and it was now a case of how the Kidsgrove lads could respond. At each end shots came and then a cross for the hosts saw No 7 (Joshua Lundstram) collar in the box and try his darnedest to let fly but was just hassled too much and the chance went begging. Kidsgrove came on again, a lovely ball in from the angle looked to be heading goalward when No 4 (Ryan Wynter) of Chasetown nutted off the line in quite an impressive and authoritative style. It was a momentous piece of defending but the hosts advanced once more with No 10 (Anthony Malbon) putting a firm crust on the ball only to miss the framework and save the keeper any untoward bother. Chasetown offered a crack on goal in return after the edgy mittman knocked an uncertain kick out that allowed No 9 (Thomas Hill) the chance to blaze one low. The home No 1 (Curtis Pond) did will to dive low and safely gather - much to the annoyance of the travelling supporters who weren't half giving him some stick.
The game remained fascinating as the Athletic pack strove to find equilibrium and the Town chased like urgent zealots and worked to maintain their lead. The away team had a penalty shout soon after, the referee waved play on, a shot followed and was deflected - it only just dropped the wrong side of the bar! O'Neill for the guests showed great strength next, left his marker and put in a quite hefty and accurate crossfield ball. No 7 (George Cater) was the willing recipient, the punt that ensued was decent enough but wouldn't stay below the horizontal - as you were folks! Things now warmed up even more, a booking was given to the Chasetown No 8 (Jack Partridge) and a free-kick awarded. The ball came to Malbon who put one on a plate for No 9 (Will Saxon) to bury - the touch was abysmal, the skin of the opponent's arses remained intact. As Kidsgrove steamed on a ball in return found Hill who put in a lovely chip around the advancing keeper. The net awaited, the ball flew closer when a defender I failed to name duly popped up and cleared right on the line. The closing minutes of the first half ended with a blur of effort but no major breakthroughs were witnessed - this one was certainly going to the warped and unpredictable wire!
Half-time and we stayed put. We discussed the game and tittered at the verbals coming from the away fans, they were certainly up for this and giving their team some bold support. Due to this oral onslaught my daughter suggested we visit Chasetown FC sometime in the future - and why not?
The second half came, the initial play was even with Kidsgrove looking to ignite a fuse and bomb their way through the opposing defense. However, it was the soccerised Scholars who had the first chance when their No 3 (Callum Cockerill-Mullett) marauded with purpose and sent in a fiery cross that Hill was surprised to find at his feet mere inches from the target zone. The ball, as a result, was hoofed over - how disappointing it was! Chasetown came again, Cater sent the sphere forth and took a layer of paint off the bar with an effort that went closer than expected. Hill was the next man to have a chance of doubling the lead when he was at the apex of a breakaway and only had the keeper to beat. The trigger was pulled, the second strike looked certain, the side netting was struck and many heads fell into many hands. Kidsgrove now took heed of the perpetual warnings, No 6 (Oliver Jepson) put a concrete nut on a corner ball and was only just wide, and then Saxon full stopped a surge with a shot too high. The home team were now busting a gut, the tempo was consistently high from both teams and then the Grove's No 11 (Lee Williamson) kicked forth a very intelligent pass from which Malbon collected turned and lashed home - it was an equaliser from a situation of seeming harmless essence - in many ways though, it was well-earned.
The game now galloped to the climax, shots came here and there but failed to stretch any gloved guardians. Both teams became desperate, Kidsgrove came close to snatching victory but O'Neill for The Scholars had a chance to clinch the game but his effort was denied by an efficient block by the keeper. A penalty claim was had once more for the visitors, the referee displayed no interest and then The Grove rallied, Flint had a close-in dig but an outstanding save meant this one was still up in the air. At the last No 15 (Liam Kirton) for Chasetown nearly roamed into danger but a last blast tackle killed the peril and as it turned out saved a point for the hosts. When the referee blew and it was confirmed honours were even, I pondered the Man of the Match and opted for the tidy, skillful and unflustered Kidsgrove Athletic No 11 (Lee Williamson) who read the game, was involved in all areas and who had a distinct composure that saw his pass success rate remain very high indeed. A thinking man's footballer executing matters with little fuss.
FINAL THOUGHT - A good score-draw game this had been, with very little between the two sides and so leaving all nicely balanced for any future meetings. In truth Chasetown could have had the game done and dusted if a few early chances were nailed but Kidsgrove hung on, called upon great reserves and managed to force a share of the spoils. Both teams showed great desire and a willingness to keep things fluent and moving at all times. The positioning of both units shows what a competitive league they are in and how small occurrences can make a great differences come the season end. I can't see either of these two sides being in any serious difficulty provided the work-rate remains high and the determination is focused at all times. The key of course is taking the chances at the last and having that surgeon like mentality when dissecting the opponents defenses. To procrastinate or castrate are the options - do one and one's own conkers may get clobbered, do the other and the opposition will be hobbling victims waiting to be put out of their misery - or so reason suggests. So I sign off, pleased with the days football and looking forward to a re-acquaintance with these teams sometime soon - I wonder if balls will roll, if balls will drop or if balls will be burst - a bit of all three would be just right (provided of course my balls stay warm, unmolested and in the right place).
The hosts dictated the early play with some keen passing and some sharp movement when, from a seemingly innocuous blip a ball was played back, the keeper and a defender both chased and in popped No 11 (James O'Neill) for the travelling team and slotted in the escaped globe to truly shell-shock all in attendance. This was a late Christmas gift for sure, Santa's sack was still leaking (ooh mammy) and it was now a case of how the Kidsgrove lads could respond. At each end shots came and then a cross for the hosts saw No 7 (Joshua Lundstram) collar in the box and try his darnedest to let fly but was just hassled too much and the chance went begging. Kidsgrove came on again, a lovely ball in from the angle looked to be heading goalward when No 4 (Ryan Wynter) of Chasetown nutted off the line in quite an impressive and authoritative style. It was a momentous piece of defending but the hosts advanced once more with No 10 (Anthony Malbon) putting a firm crust on the ball only to miss the framework and save the keeper any untoward bother. Chasetown offered a crack on goal in return after the edgy mittman knocked an uncertain kick out that allowed No 9 (Thomas Hill) the chance to blaze one low. The home No 1 (Curtis Pond) did will to dive low and safely gather - much to the annoyance of the travelling supporters who weren't half giving him some stick.
The game remained fascinating as the Athletic pack strove to find equilibrium and the Town chased like urgent zealots and worked to maintain their lead. The away team had a penalty shout soon after, the referee waved play on, a shot followed and was deflected - it only just dropped the wrong side of the bar! O'Neill for the guests showed great strength next, left his marker and put in a quite hefty and accurate crossfield ball. No 7 (George Cater) was the willing recipient, the punt that ensued was decent enough but wouldn't stay below the horizontal - as you were folks! Things now warmed up even more, a booking was given to the Chasetown No 8 (Jack Partridge) and a free-kick awarded. The ball came to Malbon who put one on a plate for No 9 (Will Saxon) to bury - the touch was abysmal, the skin of the opponent's arses remained intact. As Kidsgrove steamed on a ball in return found Hill who put in a lovely chip around the advancing keeper. The net awaited, the ball flew closer when a defender I failed to name duly popped up and cleared right on the line. The closing minutes of the first half ended with a blur of effort but no major breakthroughs were witnessed - this one was certainly going to the warped and unpredictable wire!
Half-time and we stayed put. We discussed the game and tittered at the verbals coming from the away fans, they were certainly up for this and giving their team some bold support. Due to this oral onslaught my daughter suggested we visit Chasetown FC sometime in the future - and why not?
The second half came, the initial play was even with Kidsgrove looking to ignite a fuse and bomb their way through the opposing defense. However, it was the soccerised Scholars who had the first chance when their No 3 (Callum Cockerill-Mullett) marauded with purpose and sent in a fiery cross that Hill was surprised to find at his feet mere inches from the target zone. The ball, as a result, was hoofed over - how disappointing it was! Chasetown came again, Cater sent the sphere forth and took a layer of paint off the bar with an effort that went closer than expected. Hill was the next man to have a chance of doubling the lead when he was at the apex of a breakaway and only had the keeper to beat. The trigger was pulled, the second strike looked certain, the side netting was struck and many heads fell into many hands. Kidsgrove now took heed of the perpetual warnings, No 6 (Oliver Jepson) put a concrete nut on a corner ball and was only just wide, and then Saxon full stopped a surge with a shot too high. The home team were now busting a gut, the tempo was consistently high from both teams and then the Grove's No 11 (Lee Williamson) kicked forth a very intelligent pass from which Malbon collected turned and lashed home - it was an equaliser from a situation of seeming harmless essence - in many ways though, it was well-earned.
The game now galloped to the climax, shots came here and there but failed to stretch any gloved guardians. Both teams became desperate, Kidsgrove came close to snatching victory but O'Neill for The Scholars had a chance to clinch the game but his effort was denied by an efficient block by the keeper. A penalty claim was had once more for the visitors, the referee displayed no interest and then The Grove rallied, Flint had a close-in dig but an outstanding save meant this one was still up in the air. At the last No 15 (Liam Kirton) for Chasetown nearly roamed into danger but a last blast tackle killed the peril and as it turned out saved a point for the hosts. When the referee blew and it was confirmed honours were even, I pondered the Man of the Match and opted for the tidy, skillful and unflustered Kidsgrove Athletic No 11 (Lee Williamson) who read the game, was involved in all areas and who had a distinct composure that saw his pass success rate remain very high indeed. A thinking man's footballer executing matters with little fuss.
FINAL THOUGHT - A good score-draw game this had been, with very little between the two sides and so leaving all nicely balanced for any future meetings. In truth Chasetown could have had the game done and dusted if a few early chances were nailed but Kidsgrove hung on, called upon great reserves and managed to force a share of the spoils. Both teams showed great desire and a willingness to keep things fluent and moving at all times. The positioning of both units shows what a competitive league they are in and how small occurrences can make a great differences come the season end. I can't see either of these two sides being in any serious difficulty provided the work-rate remains high and the determination is focused at all times. The key of course is taking the chances at the last and having that surgeon like mentality when dissecting the opponents defenses. To procrastinate or castrate are the options - do one and one's own conkers may get clobbered, do the other and the opposition will be hobbling victims waiting to be put out of their misery - or so reason suggests. So I sign off, pleased with the days football and looking forward to a re-acquaintance with these teams sometime soon - I wonder if balls will roll, if balls will drop or if balls will be burst - a bit of all three would be just right (provided of course my balls stay warm, unmolested and in the right place).
Sunday, 30 December 2018
THE FUNGAL THREE SEE
29th December 2018 - Alsager Town 0 v 5 FC Oswestry - The last football excursion of the year, this time with my missus and young un' and to the home of The Bullets to witness a game that was up in the air as far as the scoreline goes (what's new there then). My lasses nipped into Manchester in the morn, poor old me was left to tidy up and see to some loose ends (loose ends as in outstanding tasks to complete rather than an overabundance of flaccid foreskin to tuck away). My lasses arrived home, we got sorted and set out down the M6 to the tucked away potteries-based pimple known as Alsager. The weather was the norm and akin to the arse hairs of Anne Widdecombe - grey, slightly damp and without much promise of change (crikey where's me Prozac). Into the ground, parked and a walk top the local shops was had. My bladder went twang and the bushes of the local Asda were duly watered - it is another mark on my 'Great British PIddle Map'. Back to the ground, tea had (and a burger for me as I had had no dinner) and selected seating was had. As the teams warmed up we three pootlers chatted and made our predictions which I shall keep under wraps so as to save any unnecessary embarrassment. The Prize of Prophecy will be secret also as I can't for the life of me think what it should be - ooh me noggin. 3pm came, the two sides appeared, the end result of all the clashing, kicking and confrontation is as follows, I hope this poor man's football erotica serves its purpose!
Game on, the visitors began with zipping zest, an hopeful ball came from the back, was collected and crossed whereupon an indecent upending took place and a penalty given. Again no consideration was given to player's not being at full match speed and that the tackle was not as untoward as initially deemed. The referee was duly labelled as 'useless' by an irate fan, I was sure at some point he would be upgraded to 'wanker' at the very least. Up stepped the No 10 (David Howarth) to get the opening goal and duly buried the ball with relative comfort - the home lads now had to wake up, shake off the early game stiffness and kick back. Alsager gained a foothold, passed well and put in a few crosses one of which nearly dropped from the grubby skies and entered the framework - the mittman did well to tip over. The corner that followed caused in-box mayhem with the ball pinging and a shot blocked. The O's eventually broke with a final cross getting firmly volleyed by the eternally impressive No 7 (Harry Bower). The strike was sugar sweet, the corner of the net found - one could almost feel the bruising on the home team's conkers as this surprise double dig caught them on the hop. The guests were far from sated, they came again, the home keeper was caught on walkabout and wide-eyed with blood-rushing particles of panic. Bower crossed, the shot that followed was blocked and Alsager just about hung on. The home lads were still in this, they just needed a little extra movement in and around the box and some encouraging on-pitch verbals to get things flowing.
Next up, No 9 (Michael O'Reilly) of the travellers put in some stubborn and eye-snagging work and was rewarded with a free-kick. He took the bonus boot himself - it was a poxy way to finish such an excellent moment with the ball just flying into the Land of No Man. Moments later Bower was causing defensive consternation for the hosts when he touched back and released. The ball was deflected for a corner, the angled kick was abysmal - The Bullets needed to fire back and fire back very soon. They did just that, No 3 (Jamie Evans) was in, the ball was blocked and fell to No 7 (Jack Hurd) who put forth a veritable rasper - wide it went, but hope was had. A quiet spell came, Hurd had another dig, again not that far off the mark but not good enough at this desperate stage. As the impetus looked to be swinging towards the ambitions of the trailing side a goal kick came the other way. Bower took it down, touched out to No 11 (Ryan Jones) who eyed the goal and unleashed, 0 - 3 it was and this game looked done, dusted and filed away in the folder marked 'whooping'. Despite the 3 goal deficit I thought No 6 (Connor Taylor) of Alsager was having a fine game and looked a very accomplished player with a good reading of the game and a certain calmness and control. From the back the hosts built, a free-kick came late in the half and No 5 (Ryan Goodwin) snuck in the crust with oodles of time to hit the target zone - the outcome was an effort that was not even close. Before the half-time bell Bower had a chance to make it 4 when he latched onto a pass, cut in and slapped in a low driller. The keeper sprawled and just got a foot to the ball to minimise the half-time roasting and when O'Reilly for the guests slapped one straight at the said keeper it was with great relief that the intermission came.
A dash for tea and a leak was had, the lasses had a water break too and then we resumed our seats and wondered where this one would end up.
Oswestry made the early running in the second half, a couple of firm shots by Jones flew into the sable beyond but indicated the intent of adding further injury to a very wounded team. A static period came from which the home No 9 (Dominic Smith) burst forth like a souped up bulldozer and barged his way to the end line where he duly belted in a meaty cross. It was a shame that no outstretched toe was there to nudge the ball home! Another cross came within minutes, the keeper caught, dropped and saw the situation rescued - the man was one lucky customer. Smith had a dig next, the keeper this time made a steady save, a bit more bite on the ball though and things could have been a little different! Alsager were now doing well and picking up the tempo but an Oswestry escape broke the flow and an immediate break down the flank by the substitute (Samuel Springson) saw some marvellous work end with a step in and a shot that beat the mittman at the near post and finish the game as a viable contest. The home team still tried to get a goal though, one moment deserved such a reward when Taylor put forth a delectable pass that No 10 (Stanley Anaebonam) cracked with ardour only to be denied by a well-timed save. A corner of decent standard followed but the visiting tribe were disciplined and 'on it' - there seemed no way through for the trailing unit.
Into the home run, a cross was fumbled by the resident keeper but his defending comrades spared his blushes and then O'Reilly sent forth a low dipper that bounced up at the last and made sure the man between the sticks stayed honest and alert and that his nighttime vision was at its best. This was now one way traffic, the O's No 12 (Reece Taylor) whacked one wide, Bower had a close-in touch that clipped the framework and then, after an Alsager push, a breakaway came, Bower was at the helm again and turned and twatted to bring up the 5th and round off a good day's work. The closing seconds ticked away and then we were done, there was only one Man of the Match, FC Oswestry's No 7 (Harry Bower) who played with such industry, moved into space at all times and read the game with a true footballing eye. He was far from a lazy git and worked forward and backward with an appetite to admire - a cracking run out if ya ask me.
FINAL THOUGHT - And that was that, a result not expected and one that can be interpreted as thus. Alsager Town have a pack of good players, several looked solid in possession and many ran themselves ragged but, and what a great stinking 'but' it is, without cohesion, hollered demands and much off-the-ball scampering the end result will always be a struggle and give opponents the upperhand before a ball is even kicked. Today the team battled but lacked options and when in the final third just seem to lack support and ideas when the detonation button was due to be pressed. They are not far off the mark but just not on it either - I am due to watch them again soon with a tricky visit to Vauxhall Motors - they need to buckle down, play with width and get talking. FC Oswestry are an impressive unit and for me are lower in the league than their potential suggests. They communicate, play with good impetus and pass and move with commendable urgency and defend as a pack offering opponents little chance to shoot. It will be interesting to see what the season brings for a team very much on the up. The key is to keep the squad healthy and confident and even if the odd hiccup is had, to keep the whole unit laden with belief. This football management lark is no easy thing, I am a mere punter on the touchline trying to keep folk enthused, those at the helm have my respect and spare tranquilisers to help them through. So a good day out, a welcoming place and 5 goals to add to the season's tally - as per...onwards for all and a Happy New Year to each and every Non-League doofer - you are sincerely appreciated and blessed!
Game on, the visitors began with zipping zest, an hopeful ball came from the back, was collected and crossed whereupon an indecent upending took place and a penalty given. Again no consideration was given to player's not being at full match speed and that the tackle was not as untoward as initially deemed. The referee was duly labelled as 'useless' by an irate fan, I was sure at some point he would be upgraded to 'wanker' at the very least. Up stepped the No 10 (David Howarth) to get the opening goal and duly buried the ball with relative comfort - the home lads now had to wake up, shake off the early game stiffness and kick back. Alsager gained a foothold, passed well and put in a few crosses one of which nearly dropped from the grubby skies and entered the framework - the mittman did well to tip over. The corner that followed caused in-box mayhem with the ball pinging and a shot blocked. The O's eventually broke with a final cross getting firmly volleyed by the eternally impressive No 7 (Harry Bower). The strike was sugar sweet, the corner of the net found - one could almost feel the bruising on the home team's conkers as this surprise double dig caught them on the hop. The guests were far from sated, they came again, the home keeper was caught on walkabout and wide-eyed with blood-rushing particles of panic. Bower crossed, the shot that followed was blocked and Alsager just about hung on. The home lads were still in this, they just needed a little extra movement in and around the box and some encouraging on-pitch verbals to get things flowing.
Next up, No 9 (Michael O'Reilly) of the travellers put in some stubborn and eye-snagging work and was rewarded with a free-kick. He took the bonus boot himself - it was a poxy way to finish such an excellent moment with the ball just flying into the Land of No Man. Moments later Bower was causing defensive consternation for the hosts when he touched back and released. The ball was deflected for a corner, the angled kick was abysmal - The Bullets needed to fire back and fire back very soon. They did just that, No 3 (Jamie Evans) was in, the ball was blocked and fell to No 7 (Jack Hurd) who put forth a veritable rasper - wide it went, but hope was had. A quiet spell came, Hurd had another dig, again not that far off the mark but not good enough at this desperate stage. As the impetus looked to be swinging towards the ambitions of the trailing side a goal kick came the other way. Bower took it down, touched out to No 11 (Ryan Jones) who eyed the goal and unleashed, 0 - 3 it was and this game looked done, dusted and filed away in the folder marked 'whooping'. Despite the 3 goal deficit I thought No 6 (Connor Taylor) of Alsager was having a fine game and looked a very accomplished player with a good reading of the game and a certain calmness and control. From the back the hosts built, a free-kick came late in the half and No 5 (Ryan Goodwin) snuck in the crust with oodles of time to hit the target zone - the outcome was an effort that was not even close. Before the half-time bell Bower had a chance to make it 4 when he latched onto a pass, cut in and slapped in a low driller. The keeper sprawled and just got a foot to the ball to minimise the half-time roasting and when O'Reilly for the guests slapped one straight at the said keeper it was with great relief that the intermission came.
A dash for tea and a leak was had, the lasses had a water break too and then we resumed our seats and wondered where this one would end up.
Oswestry made the early running in the second half, a couple of firm shots by Jones flew into the sable beyond but indicated the intent of adding further injury to a very wounded team. A static period came from which the home No 9 (Dominic Smith) burst forth like a souped up bulldozer and barged his way to the end line where he duly belted in a meaty cross. It was a shame that no outstretched toe was there to nudge the ball home! Another cross came within minutes, the keeper caught, dropped and saw the situation rescued - the man was one lucky customer. Smith had a dig next, the keeper this time made a steady save, a bit more bite on the ball though and things could have been a little different! Alsager were now doing well and picking up the tempo but an Oswestry escape broke the flow and an immediate break down the flank by the substitute (Samuel Springson) saw some marvellous work end with a step in and a shot that beat the mittman at the near post and finish the game as a viable contest. The home team still tried to get a goal though, one moment deserved such a reward when Taylor put forth a delectable pass that No 10 (Stanley Anaebonam) cracked with ardour only to be denied by a well-timed save. A corner of decent standard followed but the visiting tribe were disciplined and 'on it' - there seemed no way through for the trailing unit.
Into the home run, a cross was fumbled by the resident keeper but his defending comrades spared his blushes and then O'Reilly sent forth a low dipper that bounced up at the last and made sure the man between the sticks stayed honest and alert and that his nighttime vision was at its best. This was now one way traffic, the O's No 12 (Reece Taylor) whacked one wide, Bower had a close-in touch that clipped the framework and then, after an Alsager push, a breakaway came, Bower was at the helm again and turned and twatted to bring up the 5th and round off a good day's work. The closing seconds ticked away and then we were done, there was only one Man of the Match, FC Oswestry's No 7 (Harry Bower) who played with such industry, moved into space at all times and read the game with a true footballing eye. He was far from a lazy git and worked forward and backward with an appetite to admire - a cracking run out if ya ask me.
FINAL THOUGHT - And that was that, a result not expected and one that can be interpreted as thus. Alsager Town have a pack of good players, several looked solid in possession and many ran themselves ragged but, and what a great stinking 'but' it is, without cohesion, hollered demands and much off-the-ball scampering the end result will always be a struggle and give opponents the upperhand before a ball is even kicked. Today the team battled but lacked options and when in the final third just seem to lack support and ideas when the detonation button was due to be pressed. They are not far off the mark but just not on it either - I am due to watch them again soon with a tricky visit to Vauxhall Motors - they need to buckle down, play with width and get talking. FC Oswestry are an impressive unit and for me are lower in the league than their potential suggests. They communicate, play with good impetus and pass and move with commendable urgency and defend as a pack offering opponents little chance to shoot. It will be interesting to see what the season brings for a team very much on the up. The key is to keep the squad healthy and confident and even if the odd hiccup is had, to keep the whole unit laden with belief. This football management lark is no easy thing, I am a mere punter on the touchline trying to keep folk enthused, those at the helm have my respect and spare tranquilisers to help them through. So a good day out, a welcoming place and 5 goals to add to the season's tally - as per...onwards for all and a Happy New Year to each and every Non-League doofer - you are sincerely appreciated and blessed!
Wednesday, 26 December 2018
BLOOD, THUNDER, OH BOLLOCKS IT'S A DRAW
26th December 2018 - Cheadle Heath Nomads 1 v 1 Cheadle Town - And so, in theory Christmas has gone and today is the day when the conned dispose of the coin, the overstuffed try and walk off the extra inch or two and those in the know get out and get a fix of Non-League action. Our Christmas had been fine despite the boiler blowing on Christmas Eve and therefore leaving us void of hot water and heating. The lasses will have to cleanse themselves at the Mother-In-Laws, I, like the eternal awkward bugger, have opted for a post-festive stink in the hope of cultivating a bodily fungus I can identify on the 1st of January and therefore start the wildlife year off with a species new to science. Cockus rankeroonos, Festeritis nippleoides or even Rectalitis crapodea - the hunt will start soon, anyone wishing to attend the physical foray needs to book on now! So, after a morn shaking off the dust and detritus a walk was add looking at the birds, spotting a few shrooms and generally stretching the carcasses. My young daughter, home from Uni, opted for hibernation mode and only surfaced at 11.30am - she missed 3 Great Spotted Woodpeckers and a classic example of Stubble Rosegill (Volvariella speciosa) amongst many others - she seemed unconcerned. An early dinner was had, a quick change and a dip of the testicles in some icy water (gotta be fair to the public don't ya know) and out we went to feast our peepers on this fascinating local match-up. Both teams operate within less than a mile of one another, Cheadle Heath Nomads are virginal upstarts making a name for themselves, Cheadle Town are long term soccer slags and are well-versed in the heave-ho at this level - it was a mouth-watering match up and one not to be missed. The crowd was healthy enough (mind you one or two didn't look particularly fresh of face) and the weather was more than clement. Me and my grand lady, arrived, nattered, park rears and watch the following event.
The first foray into territory deemed threatening came via the steaming legs of the home pack with No 9 (Ashley Harrison) fast on his feet and No 11 (Stephen Kirby) the veritable slippery sausage. Alas after the initial huff and puff a goal kick was the end result but soon after No 10 (Leon Grandison) got upended in a far from sexual way and a free boot was won. Grandison sent in a nicely weighted cross, the keeper sprawled low and smothered and took a wallop to his framework for his troubles (Happy Boxing Day sir). Cheadle tried to respond from the early advances with No 10 (Connor Naughton) producing a nice turn and pass movement that just failed to find the galloping striker. The home keeper (Aaron Tyler) was off his line with great haste and did well to kill the peril. From another Town sortie the Nomadic lads broke with frazzling impetus. Grandison ran the flank, reached the end line, cut back and laid one off for No 8 (Keiren Herbert) to thwack. The power was raw, the timing sweet, the elevation too generous - just off target the ball went. In return to this neat move No 2 (Joseph Neild) of the short-travelling guests knocked forth a quite choice pass that No 7 (Nathan Ntalu) collared in the corner and belted across. Several chances to shoot came but when a shank was swung with any real purpose the defensive block that followed was indicative of the home teams desire. It was a good job the ball didn't hit the crown jewels though or we may have been witnessing the first on-pitch black puddings of the game!
Spiced tackles now came, Herbert for the Nomads was a real needle in the nob-bag and forced a few opposing players to lunge and mistime their efforts. Kirby took a free-kick that was hard earned but could only find yuletide air, another shot soon after boomed off the bar but this time luck was with the attacking side and the ball kindly dropped to the predatory Grandison who slotted home and got the crucial lead. This was a deserved lead as the Nomads had made the greatest contribution to the impetus of the game and soon after they were racing forth again with Kirby putting in a trademark cross of meritorious quality that failed to be met by an in-flying noggin. The Town were quick to wake up, a long ball saw the home No 4 (Ashley Crank) lunge and bring down a danger-laden striker. The shouts that came for a red card were vulgar, the brandishing of a yellow fortunate for the offender and after a few shoves and pushes and several sequinned purses waved about a free-kick came of accurate and high quality. The keeper sprung from his heels and tipped the ball onto the bar, the globe went loose and somehow was hoofed clear but this game had new life and a good thermality - questions were being asked of both ranks!
As the battling elements continued to generate sparks a double-ended dildo of misfortune entered the untoward orifice of luck for the hosts and saw Grandison hobble off with a twanged hamstring and his replacement get given a straight red card for a tackle that was mistimed and primarily down to the player not having got to grips with the pace of the game. The decision was made without regard for this latter point, something that seems to happen on a regular basis. Now the Nomadic jugular was exposed, The Town were sensing blood and a late corner for the guests saw the host's No 6 (Zac Tyson) defend with ardour and the visiting Naughton hit back in a close-in snap-shot that went just wide. 1 - 0 we were at as the referee called for a break - a fascinating contest to say the least!
We stayed put for half-time, watched the club secretary appear at the other side of the ground with microphone in hand. Neville 'The Voice' Pearson did well to contain his enthusiasm and avoided a Roy Orbison impersonation and simply read out the raffle draw. We were 2 numbers away, so much for sending nude pictures of myself to the chairman. After a nibble of some orange chocolate we watched the teams reappear - could the 10 men hold on. Could their opponents get back into this? Will the aforementioned Mr Pearson appear at full-time dressed as the big 'O' and send us home to the thoes of 'Blue Bayou' - one never knows!
The second period began with an early Cheadle Town free-kick which was easily dealt with but quickly followed by a sharp cross from Neild that just dipped over the bar. A corner next which was nutted out and put back in by No 8 (Laurence Taylor). Naughton connected with the cranium, the header was not even close. A Nomads break kept The Town honest, Herbert blazed a trail, put a pass in to No 7 (Jack Benson) who could only thump into the side-netting. A patchy period was had, a Town break was unexpected and the dash down the line and cross from Ntalu was done in the spasm of a sensation seeker's electrified nipple and the poke home by Taylor was precise and exuded a sharpshooters class. Now then, this was getting serious! The fight for supremacy was intense, the guests had a counterattack with No 3 (Robert Wallis) at the helm but lacking welly in the shot and allowing the mitter to block, At the other end Kirby led a charge and cross with cultured grace that found Herber who touch and belted in one fluent move. The tip onto the bar by No 1 (Daniel Whiting) was top notch, that was some chance!
Crosses, corners and shots now came with increasing frequency at each end, the defensive units held firm with The Nomads under greatest pressure and showing a resilience and stout inner unified ticker. 3 corners for The Town came almost on the bounce, one saw a shot pushed wide, another saw a crust get deflected over and the final one induce a bout of bagatelle that eventually got booted away. The best chance of the half so far came via a host's break that saw Kirby have a glimpse of an open goal after the keeper went walkabout. The chance to bury was fluffed and was followed by another break that culminated in a toe poke just off target and then a corner that was just palmed away by the well-extended keeper. Ntalu for the visitors had two chances in response, the first seemed a surefire strike but was cleared off the line, the second a header that looked certain to be buried but the finishing was nothing less than 'crap'. Sandwiched between these two major moments Harrison had a chance for the resident pack when a quality cross just needed nutting into either corner - the end result was atrocious. The final seconds ticked away with urgent desperation - the game soon ended and a draw was perhaps fair with all things considered. Man of the Match goes to the Cheadle Heath Nomad's No 8 (Kieren Herbert) for an absolutely gut-busting effort that lasted the full 90 minute period and showcased what effort and passion actually goes into these matches. He deserved a goal for his industry and trouble-making talent - on another day...who knows! We two pootlers buggered off impressed and looking forward to the return - now there's one to ponder!
FINAL THOUGHT - A few questions were raised today, a few answers given - these are my thoughts! Cheadle Town, after a dodgy period seem to be realigned, stabilised and back on the right track in this utterly unpredictable league. Today they had to battle for the point against a fired up unit who are ravenous for every scrap and who certainly dig in when the chips are down. Playing against 10 men who are prone to flashing counter-punches is no easy thing, I think the lads did well to get what they did and several players exuded that extra touch of quality that will see the team win more than they lose. The Nomads, with 11 men on the park and a full compliment of first team regulars may have won this if the truth be told and must be looking forward to the next encounter with hopes elevated and the gnashers chomping at the bit. The work ethic today was exemplary, the focus zoned in and the desire there for all to see. This needs to happen week in and week out though and if they want 3 points next time they won't be given it on a plate. This league never fails to surprise and entertain, for 5 nuggets a piece we got 90 minutes of good football and a natter with some down to earth football folk who love the game for the right reasons. I also sold one of my Nettle Books (thank you Mr Pearson), saw a Ring Necked Parakeet and found a fungus on my Oriental Eye that may be new to science - what a great festive treat! Next thrilling installment will come from Alsager Town - tune in again in a few days for more scribbled passion!
The first foray into territory deemed threatening came via the steaming legs of the home pack with No 9 (Ashley Harrison) fast on his feet and No 11 (Stephen Kirby) the veritable slippery sausage. Alas after the initial huff and puff a goal kick was the end result but soon after No 10 (Leon Grandison) got upended in a far from sexual way and a free boot was won. Grandison sent in a nicely weighted cross, the keeper sprawled low and smothered and took a wallop to his framework for his troubles (Happy Boxing Day sir). Cheadle tried to respond from the early advances with No 10 (Connor Naughton) producing a nice turn and pass movement that just failed to find the galloping striker. The home keeper (Aaron Tyler) was off his line with great haste and did well to kill the peril. From another Town sortie the Nomadic lads broke with frazzling impetus. Grandison ran the flank, reached the end line, cut back and laid one off for No 8 (Keiren Herbert) to thwack. The power was raw, the timing sweet, the elevation too generous - just off target the ball went. In return to this neat move No 2 (Joseph Neild) of the short-travelling guests knocked forth a quite choice pass that No 7 (Nathan Ntalu) collared in the corner and belted across. Several chances to shoot came but when a shank was swung with any real purpose the defensive block that followed was indicative of the home teams desire. It was a good job the ball didn't hit the crown jewels though or we may have been witnessing the first on-pitch black puddings of the game!
Spiced tackles now came, Herbert for the Nomads was a real needle in the nob-bag and forced a few opposing players to lunge and mistime their efforts. Kirby took a free-kick that was hard earned but could only find yuletide air, another shot soon after boomed off the bar but this time luck was with the attacking side and the ball kindly dropped to the predatory Grandison who slotted home and got the crucial lead. This was a deserved lead as the Nomads had made the greatest contribution to the impetus of the game and soon after they were racing forth again with Kirby putting in a trademark cross of meritorious quality that failed to be met by an in-flying noggin. The Town were quick to wake up, a long ball saw the home No 4 (Ashley Crank) lunge and bring down a danger-laden striker. The shouts that came for a red card were vulgar, the brandishing of a yellow fortunate for the offender and after a few shoves and pushes and several sequinned purses waved about a free-kick came of accurate and high quality. The keeper sprung from his heels and tipped the ball onto the bar, the globe went loose and somehow was hoofed clear but this game had new life and a good thermality - questions were being asked of both ranks!
As the battling elements continued to generate sparks a double-ended dildo of misfortune entered the untoward orifice of luck for the hosts and saw Grandison hobble off with a twanged hamstring and his replacement get given a straight red card for a tackle that was mistimed and primarily down to the player not having got to grips with the pace of the game. The decision was made without regard for this latter point, something that seems to happen on a regular basis. Now the Nomadic jugular was exposed, The Town were sensing blood and a late corner for the guests saw the host's No 6 (Zac Tyson) defend with ardour and the visiting Naughton hit back in a close-in snap-shot that went just wide. 1 - 0 we were at as the referee called for a break - a fascinating contest to say the least!
We stayed put for half-time, watched the club secretary appear at the other side of the ground with microphone in hand. Neville 'The Voice' Pearson did well to contain his enthusiasm and avoided a Roy Orbison impersonation and simply read out the raffle draw. We were 2 numbers away, so much for sending nude pictures of myself to the chairman. After a nibble of some orange chocolate we watched the teams reappear - could the 10 men hold on. Could their opponents get back into this? Will the aforementioned Mr Pearson appear at full-time dressed as the big 'O' and send us home to the thoes of 'Blue Bayou' - one never knows!
The second period began with an early Cheadle Town free-kick which was easily dealt with but quickly followed by a sharp cross from Neild that just dipped over the bar. A corner next which was nutted out and put back in by No 8 (Laurence Taylor). Naughton connected with the cranium, the header was not even close. A Nomads break kept The Town honest, Herbert blazed a trail, put a pass in to No 7 (Jack Benson) who could only thump into the side-netting. A patchy period was had, a Town break was unexpected and the dash down the line and cross from Ntalu was done in the spasm of a sensation seeker's electrified nipple and the poke home by Taylor was precise and exuded a sharpshooters class. Now then, this was getting serious! The fight for supremacy was intense, the guests had a counterattack with No 3 (Robert Wallis) at the helm but lacking welly in the shot and allowing the mitter to block, At the other end Kirby led a charge and cross with cultured grace that found Herber who touch and belted in one fluent move. The tip onto the bar by No 1 (Daniel Whiting) was top notch, that was some chance!
Crosses, corners and shots now came with increasing frequency at each end, the defensive units held firm with The Nomads under greatest pressure and showing a resilience and stout inner unified ticker. 3 corners for The Town came almost on the bounce, one saw a shot pushed wide, another saw a crust get deflected over and the final one induce a bout of bagatelle that eventually got booted away. The best chance of the half so far came via a host's break that saw Kirby have a glimpse of an open goal after the keeper went walkabout. The chance to bury was fluffed and was followed by another break that culminated in a toe poke just off target and then a corner that was just palmed away by the well-extended keeper. Ntalu for the visitors had two chances in response, the first seemed a surefire strike but was cleared off the line, the second a header that looked certain to be buried but the finishing was nothing less than 'crap'. Sandwiched between these two major moments Harrison had a chance for the resident pack when a quality cross just needed nutting into either corner - the end result was atrocious. The final seconds ticked away with urgent desperation - the game soon ended and a draw was perhaps fair with all things considered. Man of the Match goes to the Cheadle Heath Nomad's No 8 (Kieren Herbert) for an absolutely gut-busting effort that lasted the full 90 minute period and showcased what effort and passion actually goes into these matches. He deserved a goal for his industry and trouble-making talent - on another day...who knows! We two pootlers buggered off impressed and looking forward to the return - now there's one to ponder!
FINAL THOUGHT - A few questions were raised today, a few answers given - these are my thoughts! Cheadle Town, after a dodgy period seem to be realigned, stabilised and back on the right track in this utterly unpredictable league. Today they had to battle for the point against a fired up unit who are ravenous for every scrap and who certainly dig in when the chips are down. Playing against 10 men who are prone to flashing counter-punches is no easy thing, I think the lads did well to get what they did and several players exuded that extra touch of quality that will see the team win more than they lose. The Nomads, with 11 men on the park and a full compliment of first team regulars may have won this if the truth be told and must be looking forward to the next encounter with hopes elevated and the gnashers chomping at the bit. The work ethic today was exemplary, the focus zoned in and the desire there for all to see. This needs to happen week in and week out though and if they want 3 points next time they won't be given it on a plate. This league never fails to surprise and entertain, for 5 nuggets a piece we got 90 minutes of good football and a natter with some down to earth football folk who love the game for the right reasons. I also sold one of my Nettle Books (thank you Mr Pearson), saw a Ring Necked Parakeet and found a fungus on my Oriental Eye that may be new to science - what a great festive treat! Next thrilling installment will come from Alsager Town - tune in again in a few days for more scribbled passion!
Sunday, 23 December 2018
FESTIVE FOOTBALL
22nd December 2018 - Abbey Hey 0 v 1 City of Liverpool - Christmas is coming, ye old Santa is a twat, he is a ruddy faced pisspot, and his arse is too fat but...if he has a non-league heart, then these two teams need a gift, a very merry 3 points, would be an ideal and thoughtful lift - then again...Santa doesn't exist, if you want 3 points you gotta work for them and when in the mire or on top of the tree on the pre-festive run-in, the effort has to be extra special. After a morn of sorting moth pictures, exercising and preparing some flyers for the night's gig I got sorted, had a good dinner and packed my bag ready for out. The good lady and my fine daughter dropped me off today, leaving me to wallow in another footy match and scribble my notes. I met up with Rob York (Stockport Town Club Secretary and nude after dinner speaker), Abbey Hey Pete put in an appearance (ex-con now on bail after an incident with a rolled up copy of 'Wrinkled Rings' and a blacked-up conservative MP) and a few COL fans who bade me welcome and looked forward to the game ahead. I heard that prior to the game there would have been free home made Mince Pies on offer but the guy who made them was dyslexic and had ruffled the feathers of the local Women's Lib group by using a 'G' instead of a 'C' when labeling the aforementioned treats. Oh the poor bugger but now I understand the message I got pre-game from a bloke asking me to go for a drink in a nearby 'Pubic House' - phew that could have been one hairy experience and I got off with a relative close shave there methinks.
And to the game, two teams in the same league, poles apart - pre-match thoughts were of a whipping, I was hoping the home side could do themselves justice but was also hoping the guests would get a win after being threatened with a lifetime ban from the club after watching them twice of late and seeing them get beat both times (my only viewings of the team this season). I took up my position, scribbled in earnest - etc. etc. etc.
The first attack from the grotty conditions came via the COL crew with No 9 (Craig Cairns) rifling one and forcing a firm and reliable save. An angled kick followed, the cross was choice but all necks were too short and the ball went into the dead zone. Seconds later the same team were marauding forth once more with the pocket rocket No 8 (Jack Hazelhurst) hurdling through and sending in a shot that was blocked at the death. The Heys were under pressure, the pre-match script was being followed but a rush against the tide was had when the defiant No 7 (Keiron Dale) duly earned a corner. The ball in was right into the meat of the matter but the keeper rose and displayed to all and sundry a ruddy good pair of hands. From here a rapier response was had, No 11 (Francis Foy) moved like a gazelle and stroked a ball into the box that led to a corner which produced a disappointing sour FA. The game now balanced out as Abbey Hey gave a good account of themselves against a darn fine team and on a day that you wouldn't find Judith Chalmers sun-bathing on (thank goodness). In fact Heys came mighty close when a corner came and their No 5 (Jamie McLellan) put a firm crust on the ball that the mitter had to deal with just at the last - he must have been mighty relieved to see it creep over the horizontal.
Onwards, the skies darkened, the waft of green was forever on the air and the game was awaiting the birth of the first goal. Cairns had a penalty claim waved away and then a shot soon after was blocked and fell to Foy to bury. He eyed the goal, took a fraction of a second too long to send in the strike and when the ball left the boot it was strongly defended by a 'never say die' rear guard pack. As The Purps roamed forward No 11 (Taylor Maguire) for The Hey picked up on a loose ball, darted and shot. The ball went straight at the keeper, crept through his legs but was just recovered at the very last - the mittman was a man dipped in high favour, that could have been a real old Betty Blooper. At the other end No 10 (Jamie McDonald) poked one wide, and after a cross from Hazelhurst, Foy connected quite beautifully but his volley had too much weight and sailed into the ghastly murk. The half ended with the guests on top but the hosts were showcasing a hefty resilience with their No 4 (Stephen Solademi) a stalwart and a solid brick in an admirable wall.
Half-time - a cuppa and a chat. The temperature was fair but the clouds burst and a downpour caught a few on the hop as they scurried to the clubhouse for a selected beverage. Mr York pootled off at this point as he was having a festive tattoo on his left conker - something to do with Terry Wogan and Enoch Powell I think - some people hey!
The match re-started, the COL chaps were on it with Hazelhurst dragged down and a free-kick on the corner of the box earned. The punt in was cleared but soon after we had a repeat situation. This time the cross was choice but the nut from Hazelhurst failed to hit the target and went just wide. A corner was not long in coming, two firm shots were blocked by a well-flung defense and then a third dig was just knocked over. The Heys were riding the Hobby Horse of Fortune, The Purps were looking to grab the same nag by the dangling dong and squeeze out the odd pip of success - things were still up for grabs. A quiet spell came, suddenly a shot cum cross was fizzed forth by the COL sub, No 12 (Kris Owens). The ball rattled the upright, the home No 4 was caught rushing in and duly deflected the ball into his own net - what a tragedy for a player having such a strong and impressive game and a side putting in a very defiant stint. The Purps deserved the lead for sure, twas just a shame it had to come this way via an own goal - cruel indeed!
The game now whizzed by, another downpour adding to the home teams struggle. Abbey Hey dug deep and had a period of semi-success but their opponents are no mugs and were always threatening whenever the slightest chance arose. One move by the visitors was a liquid zenith and made The Hey lads work like Trojans to avoid a killer strike. No 2 ( Luke Denson) for the travellers knocked the next choice ball that saw Hazelhurst chase and duly get bungled over. The gratis dig came, was tipped up and just about cleared with the AH pack having a brief break that was snuffed out with regimented defending. The final throes were played out with much industry but no real danger was exposed. At the death Cairns for the City of Liverpool could have full-stopped matters but the solid shot that came was dragged just wide. The referee blew soon after, farewells were had and my choice for Man of the Match goes to the City Of Liverpool's No 2 (Luke Denson) for a well-drilled, unsophisticated but very effective performance that was a veritable cornerstone on which his team could build. Sometimes it is the things that aren't quite so obvious that bring the end reward!
FINAL THOUGHT - This was a clash between the top and the bottom, a supposed small time David and Goliath encounter that saw Goliath forced to work his knackers off and with much effort and desire finally floor the smaller man with moment of good fortune. Abbey Hey's season, judging on this evidence is not done and, with the same guts and grinding passion they can get out of their very tricky predicament and stay in this ever competitive Premier League. Their No 4 ( Stephen Solademi) was a rock, their commitment testament to what the North West Counties Leagues are about and with some fine tuning upfront and a few midfield manipulations this can surely lead to the cracking of the opposing defenses the Hey Brigade becoming a team to be reckoned with over the coming months. Their next fixture is a bottom-based battle and could just define their future! The City of Liverpool needed this today, a game where things just wouldn't fall right, where the shitty weather separated the delicate from the determined and where they had to work like neglected donkeys to earn the end carrot. I think they passed the test with flying colours and dug in and got the result they deserved. They should win this league but it is good that the Congo are keeping them honest and making them earn their stripes. There is work to be done, you'd be a fool to back against this lot and good luck to em'. The good news for me is that with this win I avoid the aforementioned ban and I can catch up with them again real soon - surely my pleasure.
PS - Have a good Christmas folks, watch out for Santa emptying his sack in your pillow and if you are insistent on stuffing your turkey - wear a condom!
And to the game, two teams in the same league, poles apart - pre-match thoughts were of a whipping, I was hoping the home side could do themselves justice but was also hoping the guests would get a win after being threatened with a lifetime ban from the club after watching them twice of late and seeing them get beat both times (my only viewings of the team this season). I took up my position, scribbled in earnest - etc. etc. etc.
The first attack from the grotty conditions came via the COL crew with No 9 (Craig Cairns) rifling one and forcing a firm and reliable save. An angled kick followed, the cross was choice but all necks were too short and the ball went into the dead zone. Seconds later the same team were marauding forth once more with the pocket rocket No 8 (Jack Hazelhurst) hurdling through and sending in a shot that was blocked at the death. The Heys were under pressure, the pre-match script was being followed but a rush against the tide was had when the defiant No 7 (Keiron Dale) duly earned a corner. The ball in was right into the meat of the matter but the keeper rose and displayed to all and sundry a ruddy good pair of hands. From here a rapier response was had, No 11 (Francis Foy) moved like a gazelle and stroked a ball into the box that led to a corner which produced a disappointing sour FA. The game now balanced out as Abbey Hey gave a good account of themselves against a darn fine team and on a day that you wouldn't find Judith Chalmers sun-bathing on (thank goodness). In fact Heys came mighty close when a corner came and their No 5 (Jamie McLellan) put a firm crust on the ball that the mitter had to deal with just at the last - he must have been mighty relieved to see it creep over the horizontal.
Onwards, the skies darkened, the waft of green was forever on the air and the game was awaiting the birth of the first goal. Cairns had a penalty claim waved away and then a shot soon after was blocked and fell to Foy to bury. He eyed the goal, took a fraction of a second too long to send in the strike and when the ball left the boot it was strongly defended by a 'never say die' rear guard pack. As The Purps roamed forward No 11 (Taylor Maguire) for The Hey picked up on a loose ball, darted and shot. The ball went straight at the keeper, crept through his legs but was just recovered at the very last - the mittman was a man dipped in high favour, that could have been a real old Betty Blooper. At the other end No 10 (Jamie McDonald) poked one wide, and after a cross from Hazelhurst, Foy connected quite beautifully but his volley had too much weight and sailed into the ghastly murk. The half ended with the guests on top but the hosts were showcasing a hefty resilience with their No 4 (Stephen Solademi) a stalwart and a solid brick in an admirable wall.
Half-time - a cuppa and a chat. The temperature was fair but the clouds burst and a downpour caught a few on the hop as they scurried to the clubhouse for a selected beverage. Mr York pootled off at this point as he was having a festive tattoo on his left conker - something to do with Terry Wogan and Enoch Powell I think - some people hey!
The match re-started, the COL chaps were on it with Hazelhurst dragged down and a free-kick on the corner of the box earned. The punt in was cleared but soon after we had a repeat situation. This time the cross was choice but the nut from Hazelhurst failed to hit the target and went just wide. A corner was not long in coming, two firm shots were blocked by a well-flung defense and then a third dig was just knocked over. The Heys were riding the Hobby Horse of Fortune, The Purps were looking to grab the same nag by the dangling dong and squeeze out the odd pip of success - things were still up for grabs. A quiet spell came, suddenly a shot cum cross was fizzed forth by the COL sub, No 12 (Kris Owens). The ball rattled the upright, the home No 4 was caught rushing in and duly deflected the ball into his own net - what a tragedy for a player having such a strong and impressive game and a side putting in a very defiant stint. The Purps deserved the lead for sure, twas just a shame it had to come this way via an own goal - cruel indeed!
The game now whizzed by, another downpour adding to the home teams struggle. Abbey Hey dug deep and had a period of semi-success but their opponents are no mugs and were always threatening whenever the slightest chance arose. One move by the visitors was a liquid zenith and made The Hey lads work like Trojans to avoid a killer strike. No 2 ( Luke Denson) for the travellers knocked the next choice ball that saw Hazelhurst chase and duly get bungled over. The gratis dig came, was tipped up and just about cleared with the AH pack having a brief break that was snuffed out with regimented defending. The final throes were played out with much industry but no real danger was exposed. At the death Cairns for the City of Liverpool could have full-stopped matters but the solid shot that came was dragged just wide. The referee blew soon after, farewells were had and my choice for Man of the Match goes to the City Of Liverpool's No 2 (Luke Denson) for a well-drilled, unsophisticated but very effective performance that was a veritable cornerstone on which his team could build. Sometimes it is the things that aren't quite so obvious that bring the end reward!
FINAL THOUGHT - This was a clash between the top and the bottom, a supposed small time David and Goliath encounter that saw Goliath forced to work his knackers off and with much effort and desire finally floor the smaller man with moment of good fortune. Abbey Hey's season, judging on this evidence is not done and, with the same guts and grinding passion they can get out of their very tricky predicament and stay in this ever competitive Premier League. Their No 4 ( Stephen Solademi) was a rock, their commitment testament to what the North West Counties Leagues are about and with some fine tuning upfront and a few midfield manipulations this can surely lead to the cracking of the opposing defenses the Hey Brigade becoming a team to be reckoned with over the coming months. Their next fixture is a bottom-based battle and could just define their future! The City of Liverpool needed this today, a game where things just wouldn't fall right, where the shitty weather separated the delicate from the determined and where they had to work like neglected donkeys to earn the end carrot. I think they passed the test with flying colours and dug in and got the result they deserved. They should win this league but it is good that the Congo are keeping them honest and making them earn their stripes. There is work to be done, you'd be a fool to back against this lot and good luck to em'. The good news for me is that with this win I avoid the aforementioned ban and I can catch up with them again real soon - surely my pleasure.
PS - Have a good Christmas folks, watch out for Santa emptying his sack in your pillow and if you are insistent on stuffing your turkey - wear a condom!
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