7th April 2018 - Maine Road 0 v 5 Runcorn Linnets - I am not a footballing sage, at this level I am happy to proclaim myself non-plussed when it comes to predicting results but I would have quite happily put my gonads on a railway track whilst the 17.15pm from Batley came hurtling down with the intent to remove both gambling globes. My only way out was to pick a winner of today's match and I felt confident that the trembling testes would be plucked free from the incoming wheels as The Linnets were given the nod! So imagine the picture, one Fungalised git with conkers rested and the locomotive of ill-intent getting forever closer. I have a look of sanguine belief on my face, a cocksure radiance that I could regret - in a perverse way I hope I am proven wrong, but then again, a squeaky voiced eunuch is no way to live ones footballing life. So the morn, as per, was spent doing chores, pushing the night's DIY gig I had sorted and polishing my nuts for the aforementioned railway exposure. On the touchline I considered the forthcoming event, I like Maine Road and wished them well, but man, The Linnets are hot property and peck like the frisky finches of football they are and looking to stay put on the highest perch of all, this is what unfolded during the 90 minutes of action!
The Linnets started with good patience and initiated the early tempo in what was a tepid opening sequence. Some neat interplay saw the Road's No 11 (James Ormrod) take an undue knock and the visiting No 6 (Michael Simpson) sneak in and hammer wide. Soon after the green and yellow army flew forth with a ball into the box causing defensive confusion that eventually cleared matters but then a second ball in fell to No 10 (Paul Shanley) who nutted over from only a couple of yards out. It was a bad miss but the stall had been firmly set out and the home team needed to be on their guard. Credit to the Blues though as they dug in and rode the initial storm and strung a good few passes together themselves. Alas Runcorn are a stern team when their tails are up and from a midfield pack their No 11 (Adam Jones) burst through and was denied by the home mitter who dashed out and saved low. The striker tumbled, a penalty shout was called for, the referee let play resume. Up the other end and No 9 (Jack Coop) broke clear and shot. A fine one handed stop was had via the No 1 (Dylan Forth) whereupon the blue clad No 10 (Ben Davison) flew in and nutted low. A second save of grand quality was executed, this was great action indeed and had all and sundry on the edge of their seats.
From here a few good moves came, a few spunky tackles and then an innocuous ball was put into the Road box whereupon a minor collision took place and the referee awarded a penalty. A very harsh decision I thought and when the ball was hoofed by No 5 (Daniel O' Brien) the unlucky No 1 (Ryan Livesey) went the right way and was centimetres from making a save. The cruel conkers of Uncle Unlucky had been swung, the outcome was a goal to the Linnets, and an ominous long nailed finger up the jacksie for the hosts. The guests now passed with watery ease, a flourish of manoeuvres saw Simpson try a long ranger but only found lofted air and then a series of threatening balls forth that kept the sweat on the brow of the Maine Road lads. One such ball came from a quiet spell, Shanley at the back post nutted back across goal and No 9 (Mark Houghton) connected well. The globe went goalward, out of the perspiring back pack a defender appeared and cleared off the line, things were getting desperate indeed. From the pressure Coop for the Road had a hopeful crack back but that is all it was...hopeful! The half finished in frantic style, voices were raised around the ground, a free-kick came the way of the Linnets and was looped in with good direction. Jones put noggin on leather, the contact was sound, the accuracy lacking - over...and out. The referee blew - the first 45 was done, my nuts were still safe and sound!
I sat put for half-time, I couldn't be arsed to queue for a cuppa but enjoyed a Topic bar - ruddy marvellous. The time passed quickly, people adjusted their viewing points, here goes half two!
A fractured start came that saw both teams unable to create any initial fluidity. There was lots of industry but no end result. Eventually the first attack was had, the Linnets flocked and swooped in fine style with an unstoppable flourish seeing a ball floated wide and Shanley take up the responsibility and surge with intent. He ran, swept the ball home and basked in the erupting celebration as the first strike was registered and the visiting team had acquired their just reward. The Linnets, once on the wing, are difficult to shoot down, they came again, No 8 (Kyle Hamid) played a mouth-watering pass that dissected the home defense. No 7 (Kristian Holt) was the recipient, he cut in and sensed a goal scoring chance and when he let fly he was unfortunate to just miss the upright! Shanley came once more for The Linnets, he grabbed a loose ball and passed on to Simpson who, out of character, knocked the ball high into the Heavens. The Linnets now had the laxatives of belief keeping their attacks regular, it seemed a matter of time before the shit would hit the fans of the Blued strugglers. The Road dug in and tried to defy, No 14 nipped in and had a header blocked on the line, Coop followed up and swept one toward goal. A good save and an offside rule crapped on the potential and made sure the hosts were in a state of nagging frustration. Davison had an attempt soon after but put the ball over, it was more agony and another rare chance that needed nailing.
A drab period followed, we needed a spark and the man to provide it was Shanley again who collected and fed No 15 (Stuart Wellstead) who played the ball off to No 14 (Freddie Potter). A chance to shoot was missed, sights were reset and through a crowd of players and a stretching keeper the 3rd goal was whacked home. It was, in truth, too easy and a 3 goal deficit was only half of the tale as to what was transpiring. A few minutes later Wellstead had a crack, the home mitter partially blocked, Potter was on hand like a Buzzard on a dead Pheasant and tapped home the scraps to bring up goal number 4. From here the high-flying team continued to turn the screw. A lofted cross was nutted back across goal by the ever-present Shanley, Wellstead nodded downward, chased and shot - the ball somehow swerved wide - phew! The next attack came after a bout of leisurely passing. It was Shanley to Wellstead and back to Jones. I expected another pass, what we got was a hundred mile per hour howitzer that roared into the top corner and put the final cherry on the cake of success and brought great delight to all in attendance - even the home support couldn't deny the quality of this strike. A few minutes later we were done, it was just as well, this was just getting plain old silly. Man of The Match could go to any one of the Runcorn Linnets crew but man, No 10 (Paul Shanley) is supreme quality, showed an eagerness throughout and played the game with acute insight, persistent desire and highly agreeable quality - he is a prize asset for sure and one of many reasons the team are were they are. I buggered off home after the match, had a quick update on the computer and got to my punk gig on time, that was a peach of a gig - just what the Doctor of Discordance ordered.
FINAL THOUGHT - Today we witnessed a side on the crest of a wave surf to success over a side floundering in a trough and in need of a life jacket. There is no doubt that The Linnets possess all the qualities to advance from this league and more than hold their own at the next level up - and bloody good luck to them. I will no doubt catch them on their travels now and again and will be as interested as ever to see how they get on. It will be a tough test next season, they won't have things all their own way but they will certainly be putting the wind up a few teams and ruffling a few feathers. Maine Road are in trouble, it has been on the cards for a good while now and they are going to have to dig in and get dirty whilst clambering out of the mire. It can be done, they have the players and the work ethic, just a bit of luck and a bit of form and they may just hang on by the skin of their conkers. As a neutral though I'll be popping down now and again as per, no matter where they end up - it has gotta be done and if it helps each club in the smallest of ways then so much the better. PS - to all those concerned, my globes are now tucked away and feeling the gratitude of triumph, I shall not be risking them again anytime soon - thank you Runcorn Linnets, you have helped keep my manhood...respectable!
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