GALLS AND BALLS

18th August 2018 - 1874 Northwich 1 v 1 Abbey Hey - Up early, daughter dropped off for work and me and the good lady headed to Marbury Country Park for a bout of Cecidology - looking for plant galls.  I had racked up a good amount of species over the years but the chance to see others having a pootle and picking up a few pointers was a chance not to miss.  The walk was grand, we got 3 new species out of it and I found a species of Bird's Nest Fungus which we hadn't seen before (Cyathus olla to be exact).  We left the walk after dinner having decided rather than indulge in some microscopy we would seek out a footy match.  The Barnton Stadium wasn't far off so after a quick drive we were soon in position, bathed in sunshine, chomping chips and swilling tea - lovely.  In fact the sun blazed continuously hard throughout the game and left us with ruddy faces and clammy conkers (well, me at least) and it didn't half dope us up sat in its full glare.  The players soon took to the pitch, I had predicted 3 - 1 to a 74 fan earlier on, he used a Spanish term to refer to me as a fool in the most kindly way, well it's better than being called a wanker in Hindi - oooh me knotted turban!

The game started with the hosts using strict possession play combined with a good exhibition of patience.  Eventually 2 crosses were cultivated after some dandy overlapping work.  No 10 (Scott McGowan) missed the fleeting globe, No 6 (Mark Jones) made contact but hammered off target.  Onwards and the same team came, the retaining tactics working well in the rear, with less effect at the forefront of matters.  The Hey brigade looked initially set up to absorb and counter, a very dangerous option to take at this non-league stronghold - only time will tell!  As 74 probed their No 2 (Matthew Russell) put in a stupendous cross that No 11 (Joseph Woolley) put the top of his bonse on but couldn't keep on target.  A free-punt soon after kept the heat on, No 8 (Sam Freakes) struck and the mitter had to stretch and turn over. The corner was over-complicated and was akin to a trapped wasp in a cannabis factory - wasted.  A period of Abbey Hey pseudo-pestering was the result, No 10 (Matthew Shaw) beetled in from a free-kick but was duly denied and then a cross was fizzed over and took mere millemetres of skin off the No 9's (Aaron Rodger) barnet and disappointingly flashed shy of the far stick.  A distance shot from No 7 (Robert Swallow) of the Hey reinforced the growing confidence, the ball was clumsily pushed behind by a quite startled keeper.  When the corner came the defense seemed unsettled, hesitancy was there to be punished and punished it was as No 11 (Keiron Dale) slammed home - kaboom baby, kaboom.  

This fractured and stuttering game was now ripened by the goal, all we needed was for both teams to bear greater fruit and give all in attendance a darn fine harvest of excitement.  74 offered up the first seeds of hope with a corner that ended with a quite rank delivery.  A counter-attack came, a throw, a foul and the peril was pissed on from a great height, the farmers of fluidity were certainly oliguria attacked gits today, darn those misable oriental eyes.  Further efforts came towards the guests goal, No 9 (Kyle Riley) had 2 attempts, one waywardly nutted the other a touch on that needed clearing off the line. As Northwich pushed a picture perfect cross look destined to end in a goal as No 2 Russell snuck in and prepared to strike,  The shot that came flew over the horizontal, it looked rusty and void of confidence.  The final salvos of the first period came when two passages of play saw some neat link up work end with quite abysmal finishing touches - the drawing board needed more attention, the half ended and a good talking too was needed for the trailing unit.

During the 15 minute break we two tooters stayed put and soaked up the solars.  I was getting quite doped up and my missus was doing a fine impression of a narcoleptic opium head - phew, what a sizzler.

Period dos (ooh the Spanish has twisted me mind) started, Abbey Hey produced an immediate attack of penetrating style.  Rodger and Swallow advanced (bloody hell, how sinister does that sound), a shot followed, a solid save was donated in stubborn response.  The ball was put back in an infringement halted the flowing waters of Hey intent.  74 needed to get their skates on, they reacted via a stunning laser-like cross-field ball by their No 5 (Daniel Thomas). The recipient was Riley who toe poked close-in but once again failed to find the hotspot (I think time out is needed to psycho-analyse some of the losers who appeared on Strike It Lucky - well those that survived at least).  The hosts now grew in confidence, a ball in, a thumping downward header, the liner had seen a flaw in proceedings, start all over again lads.  No, wait, controversy raised its many angled head and stuck a thumb up the rear of regulation with the result being a penalty given.  A booking was had, No 10 (Scott McGowan) was the man with responsibility on his shoulders.  The ball was placed, the striker waltzed forth and struck the back of the net with convincing sanguinity - all square, all to play for - a spanner in the works of the AH effort, a true test of resilience was now to be met head on.  As soon as the joy of the home fans had settled down they were called upon once more as No 7 (Callum Gardner) flashed one wide and McGowan brought down a long ball, cut outside and slapped one outside of the vertical - Abbey Hey were now hanging on.  

The game from here looked to be going one way with the hosts very much in command.  A rapier assault saw Thomas come out on the unlucky side of fortune with a close in effort that was somehow knocked clear.  Swallow for Abbey Hey swooped forth next, he weaved and wandered and fired with purpose but it was a reckless effort and allowed the keeper to finish his latest novel and enjoy the Cuban Cigar he had kept for times of peace.  From here action was like a gorilla with a bladder and bowel nerve problem, it was coming thick and fast at both ends. 1874 scrambled away a couple of threatening incidents, their No 15 (Kazim Waite-Jackson)  nearly smuggled himself in but failed to make sturdy contact - it was becoming a very animated finale.  No 5 (Stephen Solademi) had put in a great stint for the travellers with some eye-catching defensive work and when he roamed forth, put cranium on sphere he was mighty unfortunate to not find the net and stand proud at destination hero.  The Hey heaved, a cross was headed on and was tipped over, was there a twist in the tale, were we witnessing a Dahl-esque mockery to send one lot of fans home buoyant, the others with a sinking feeling in the chip soaked gut.  The answer soon came and was a resounding 'No' as both teams lacked finesse and composure in the final third and allowed proceedings to end with points shared. This had not been the greatest spectacle, both teams need to find a true vein of form mighty soon although I am sure Abbey Hey will be delighted with a hard-grafted point.  Man of the match could have gone to either No 5 but for me (Daniel Thomas) was a consistent class act and looked in command of all matters at all times.  A definitive cornerstone of a team looking to start chugging hard very soon, with players like this the upsurge shouldn't be too far away.

FINAL THOUGHT - Not a momentous game, not an edge of the seat thriller liable to relax inner gubbins that will bring about an unexpected spillage in the trouser department.  No, this was a game of grit and grind both teams would be happy to get out of the way.  Sometimes, a footballing problem can be as elusive as a gastropods genitals and as easy to deal with as a bout of rectal thrush (so they tell me).  Here there may be several problems going on within the 74 ranks or just a case of luck linking up with liquidity and forcing a change in fortune that can duly bring about just rewards.  Pace seemed to be one component lacking in both units, a focused deadliness in front of goal perhaps another aspect to look at but having said this, determination and desire are not to be questioned and all was given right up until the last blow of the whistle and made sure the Fat Bag in the wings was not allowed to holler before the correct given time.  The season is still young, when we move into the meat of the matter will we have a good insight into how these teams will fare, until then...keep on supporting, keep on enjoying and, if you be so kind, keep on reading these reports - cheers and beers amigos!