Saturday, 14 December 2019

ELEMENTARY DEAR HOLMES, ELEMENTARY

14th December 2019 - Holmes Chapel Hurricanes 0 v 3 Knowsley South -Today, me and my good lady jumped into our reliable soccerised diving bell and plunged deeper into the life-laden depths of hoofing reality to watch 2 teams battle it out in the Cheshire League Division 2.  The only worries we had were if it would rain or not, if the football would be up to scratch and if, when rising back up a couple of levels, we would be struck down with the dreaded 'bends'.  I had suffered from 'aerobullosis' on only one previous occasion where I had foolishly bent down to scratch the annoying scrotum of an armless midget who really seemed troubled by his undercarriage irritation.  I thought this was a fine, considerate Christian act, alas little did I know his nuts were infected with Yellow Jack and when noting the lemon-coloured globes and swiftly adopting an upright stance I was duly struck by a dose of Divers Disease as well as the aforementioned fever.  Thankfully I learned my lesson and now, when faced with the same problematical situation am duly armed with a set strategy and am wise enough to let niggling nut-sacs go 'unscratched'.

So, after a morn of doofing, a quick dinner and a change into thermal safety we headed out and arrived at a new ground approximately 40 minutes later.  We chose our viewing spot with care and had an overpriced brew from the centres coffee-machine - it was far from tasty but like a fart in a sauna, it was wet and warm.  Wild predictions were made, I had been starved of goals of late and needed some net-busting nutrients - as per, this is what we got.

Knowsley were the team with the early spring in the step with a corner won soon after the ball first got rolling.  No 7 (Kurtis Pearson) posted a sound ball that was neatly nutted away.  The same attacking force were soon advancing again this time with a lengthy ball that No 2 (Liam Riley) did well to chase down and deliver.  Again the globe was watched and the home No 5 (Matt Haynes) produced some efficient defensive work that led to a bout of good football from the hosts terminated by a shot that lacked any real spunk.  In return to this minor threat the visiting team played a long ball that allowed No 10 (Peter Silcock) to dash through and have only the keeper to beat.  Alas the first touch was clumsy, the danger dissipated but the same predatory pack just kept on coming, the hosts needed to get their act together and get it together...now!

Further into the game we delved, Pearson for The South dinked and dribbled and was unlucky not to see his cross fall into the net and then, from off the back foot, Holmes Chapel won a free-punt in the middle of the park which was booted forth without fuss and nearly buried by the quick reacting No 8 (Tom Fagan-Hall) who must have been rueing a good chance missed.  It wasn't long before the guests were building again though.  A good, solid cross was met by the bonse of Silcock who nutted wide but was surely giving hint at a soon-to-be strike on target.

A bit of thermality invaded the game next, it came from some heated verbals that saw a sin-bin ordered as well as the Holmes Chapel coach given a warning.  A scabby period was scrubbed away as Knowsley pushed with another long ball played.  Silcock was the recipient, he moved deep into the perilous zone and despite being surrounded by 4 markers and having a keeper to beat he managed to bang the ball into the net.  It was a well taken goal but man, the defending was lacking in many areas.  Moments later, the taker of the goal was laying one into the path of No 8 (Juno Cahill) who let fly from distance hoping to quickly double the lead - the ball however rose into the darkening skies and Holmes Chapel counted their blessings and kissed the rear end of Lady Fortune.

Another sin-binning came, Silcock was sent for a break after he galloped after a loose ball.  Why he was sent off was anyone's guess, was the referee doing a Hitler-stint in the local Panto and getting some pre-stage practice in - he was certainly taking no prisoners.  The half ended with digs at both ends of the pitch, No 9 (Ben Susca) had the best chance after some in-box fannying about but again couldn't keep the ball down.

The break came, I had a piddle behind a tree, felt pity for my withered conkers and then, after tucking up, had a Topic Bar with my good lady.  The teams wasted no time in returning, it was just as well as we, and the 16 others in attendance, were all getting a trifle chilled.

The second half began with Holmes Chapel rising high like a gang of Born-Again Christians hepped up on Holy Water.  No 6 (Kyle Maddocks) was sent through and placed a shot wide and then, moments later, the same player had a header which just had a little too much elevation.  Although the hosts were scrapping hard their opponents were still a dangerous commodity,  a fact proven when No 2 (Liam Riley) had a shot blocked at the last and the follow-up driller just flying wide.

As hope rose for the resident ranks Knowsley's Pearson knocked a choice ball down the flank that was collected and delivered onto the rising dome of No 9 (Scott Dunning).  The header was placed, the keeper's flapping hand was avoided, the second goal had been had.  The game continued, again some intriguing tenacity was had in the centre of the park until Knowsley won a gratis boot which Pearson struck with authority and found the back of the net with ease.  0 - 3 - that was indeed that it seemed, this was a severe off day for the home team, was there time left for a consolation?

The next goal never did come although The Chapel's keeper was forced to breathe a sigh of relief when leaving his line and getting lobbed his colleague No 3 (Sam Eves) produced a stunning on-the-line clearance - great work chap.  Into the darkened depths and with the minutes running out Silcock sent in a low daisy cutter that the home mitter did well to turn away and then No 16 (Jack MacConnell) had a fine run for the hosts that covered much ground only to be terminated by a rather diluted shot - and that was that.

A grinding game with the hosts not on it at all and the guests just doing enough.  Man of the Match goes to Knowsley South's No 4 (Tommy Armstrong) for a strong and controlled performance that picked up on any early danger signs, cleared the ball when necessary and, more often than not, picked out a colleague in the process - well done that man.  Me and the missus buggered off home perished, I think we shall return here, next time in the sun though.

FINAL THOUGHT - I like a good day out to a new ground, this was a treat and even though the home team were below par and the weather dithered the dumplings we were happy to come, support and hopefully spread the word via this report.  Holmes Chapel Hurricanes never whipped up great gusts of threat today and just couldn't build up any impetus.  As an external viewer and the eternal unbiased neutral I thought they played well in the rear, battled in midfield but just lacked that extra spark up front.  When in possession in an advanced position off the ball movement was lacking, sometimes support slow in arriving and so, options just lacking.  This should be an area given extra attention, I saw enough though today to see a team with much promise to build on, it is just a case of dealing with some elementary facets.  Knowsley South, came, did what they had to do and went away with 3 points in the bag.  They have some good controlled performers in their mix and play with an eye on always looking to play the long ball.  Several times today they were nearly in and away, the fact that the opposing defence kept plucking away surely kept the scoreline down to just 3.  The style they play will always pose difficulties against smaller sides, it will be interesting to see how they do when faced with a defense of 6 foot plus hoofers.  As per, it is all posing questions and seeking answers, I think that's why we love it.  Next stop is the heady heights of Maine Road FC - ooh the heady zeniths. 

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