26th December 2019 - Cheadle Town 3 v 1 Cheadle Heath Nomads - Christmas is done, we avoided it in the
main and stayed clear of the cranial drain where greed and pointless frittering
dictates. All we asked for was each other's company (me, the missus and
the daughter), a good walk, a fine dinner and a chill - we got what we wanted
although we did get our young lass some essentials that she was quite delighted
with. Today we rose early, pootled about without any great haste and then
my good lady dropped me off at football so my hair wouldn't frizz up in the
rain (he says with heavy bitter sarcasm). Some Non-League Football was
needed, a man can only take so much of satsumas, stuffing and watching
regurgitated TV, I know my own sanity levels, thank goodness for this early
kick-off. At the ground, it goes without saying, I met many a good person
to chew the fat with, a few faces were absent, surely stopping in and
masturbating over a re-run of the Queen's Speech is illegal these days.
Mind you, if one drops a bit of acid, wraps one's potatoes of emotion in Christmas
Lights and adopts the Barry White Rub-O-Mania Love Grip then certain
pip-expelling zeniths can be attained putting a local derby very much on the
back-burner. Thankfully my days of Solo Royal Romancing are over, my orb
and sceptre is for one lady only and she is not a tax-fiddling idler pinching a free-life (ooh there goes my knighthood). And so, yet again, a brew was
downed, a choccy bar purchased (a Double Decker today) and positions
adopted. I fancied a low score draw, my mate STP Stu put his neck on the line
with a Nomads victory - the proof will be in the pudding my friends, please add
own critical custard at the end of this report.
The initial
pressure of the game came via the Nomadic tribe who were unlucky to get caught
offside and then who wasted a free-kick by hoofing it straight out of
play. Another gratis boot was awarded soon after when their No 11
(Benjamin Woods) was tumbled over on the edge of the box. The ball in was
blistered, the keeper just about dealt with it and then The Town began to
build, a delectable ball went through to the ever-keen No 9 (Patrick Davin) but
the guest mitter did well to read, sprawl and block - not a bad start at
all. The Nomads came straight back, No 2 (Thomas Rogers) knocked a good
ball forward that No 7 (Kieran Herbert) chased at a slight angle. The
player did mighty well to gather and send in towards the framework with the
back-pedalling mitter alert and sweetly tipping over the bar. The corner
came, I hate to be critical at Christmas but man this was 'wank' to say the
least - onwards we go.
Suddenly from
the to-ing and fro-ing a long home ball came, No 10 (Luca Navarro) was given
the luxury of space and went on a short run before realising he had time to cut
in. Inwards he duly drove, the defenders seemed full of festive spirits
and rather than smash the strikers baubles of potential they allowed him time
to pull his own cracker (phwoar) and score a very eye-catching goal. The
scorer peeled away enjoying the post Christmas present, the defence were left
to pick up the discarded wrapper of despondency and consider why they had been
so generous!
From here,
both teams battled well on a pitch as rough as Santa Claus' freshly emptied
sack (oh you corrupt set of scoundrels) with wild shots coming each way and the
game being slightly disjointed. The Town continued to dictate if the
truth be known, corners, throw in's, several long balls - all had their
opponents scampering around and just about evading a second strike to the
vulnerables. The guests did get a certain amount of possession but off
the ball movement was lacking and so options suffered. Eventually the
visitors won a free-kick after No 9 (Ashley Harrison) was dragged down just
outside the crucial zone. No 6 (Ashley Crank) took command of the
situation and sent in a low fizzer that the keeper easily collected albeit at
the second attempt. As the pendulum looked to swing the home ranks burst
against the flow, a midfield ball was pilfered, Navarro was the dasher at the
helm, the keeper left his line like a nuclear enhanced comet with a pre-programmed
flight path and came out on top of a very precarious one-on-one situation -
well saved that man. The corner came, was dealt with and we looked to be
heading to the break with only one goal separating the sides until...
...another
lengthy ball came for the resident pack, Navarro collected, cut inward again,
passed to a colleague who was given time to play the ball on and to watch No 7
(Ben Steer) drill a hefty shot towards the strike zone. The globe was
parried and No 11 (Benjamin Brooks) was the quickest to react and gratefully
bulged the netting. 2 - 0 it was and when the referee blew the whistle
several minutes later that is the way it stayed.
I wandered
for an Arthur Bliss at the break, had a natter with local snapper Mark Torbitt
who revealed that his holiday break had been ruined after finding a family of
Indonesians living inside his unstuffed turkey. In fact, this situation
didn't faze him but when he found out that one of the family was a homosexual
Bob-Monkhouse imitator he found himself in a real cranial quandary! The
question Mark asked himself was twofold - A - do I book a Travel Lodge or B -
do I ring the granddaughter of Marjorie Proops and get some potentially
anal-saving advice. The fact the Mark was walking with a limp may answer
this question without me going into sordid detail - I do beg your parden for
going off-track again but I am a great believer in transparency!
Once back in
position for half two and mentally adjusted to the aforementioned confession I
saw Cheadle Town now come out and go for the jugular of their opponents.
The first real gasp-raiser was had when No 8 (Andrew Lunt) posted a ball toward
goal with focused zeal. The attempt was just flying off target, Davin
tried his darnedest to apply a deft touch with his glabrous scalp, the contact
made was minimal and the trajectory of the ball altered not one
jot. With
a fine wire now being tiptoed along the Nomads swept forth, the move was smooth
and effective, Harrison was at the apex with a steady side
foot shot that the home No 1 (Marcus Burgess) turned away in stunning
fashion. The angled hoof came, Crank nutted wide, now this was more like
it!
2 substitutes
were now made by the trailing pack, a battling period ensued until the home
lads broke, Steer was given time aplenty out wide to pick a player. The
ball in was delivered low and with great accuracy, Brooks appeared, said 'thank
you very much' and belted home to surely seal the 3 point prize. Kaboom!
For a good
spell now the team in front did what they had to do whilst the pack in great
deficit ran around in ragged fashion and tried to salvage a consolation.
It was Navarro for the hosts however who had the next punt, the shot was decent
enough but remained shy of the strike zone and then, when the guest keeper was
seen to be on walkabout again, the same player had an open goal to penetrate but
rather rushed his effort and again put the ball wide of the mark.
Into the last
10 minutes we now tumbled, a free-kick was earned for The Nomads which Crank
delivered with fine precision allowing No 5 (Joe Hare) to flick home with his
eager bonse. Surely this wasn't the start of a comeback, well, as it so
happens...it wasn't. A few efforts came at both ends and just before the
final whistle the visiting No 14 (Ashley Stott) found the ball at is feet but
just couldn't control it quick enough to get in a sure-fire dig and then we
were done.
The game had
been a decent affair from two struggling units with Cheadle Town winning due to the fact that they
were more organised at the back, won most 50/50 balls in midfield and had more
adventure and options up front. For me the Cheadle Town No 8 (Andrew
Lunt) gets the nod for Man Of the Match for a breathless and battling
effort that maintained good impetus, kept the middle of the park highly
animated and for a resolution that gave his opponents very little time to set
themselves. It was a performance that could easily have been overlooked
but was a stint with very telling impact. After farewells to many a fine
bod I went home to ponder matters further, I don't think I was alone.
FINAL
THOUGHT - I watch
Cheadle Heath Nomads more than most teams, they are closest to my home, they
have a great set up and have a superb friendly and welcoming attitude. I
am an honest bloke though, I am renowned for it on the punk scene, I have
wallowed in hot water on many occasions but hey, flowering things up is not the
way and so I must put hand on heart and label Cheadle Heath Nomads today as
very, very poor. In defense they were in disarray at times and rather
fractured, the midfield seemed just off the pace and up front serious options
were lacking and the offside trap was fallen into far too easily. From a
team looking tough to beat they now look like a pack out of ideas and with low
morale, these things happen though and it is now when questions will be asked
and the time when many will have to prove their worth. I think a
strip-back to the basic principles is needed and an approach that sees the team
work as one unit looking to stop conceding before thinking about gaining -
there is a serious conundrum to be cracked and time is of the essence.
Cheadle Town have not impressed on the few occasions I have seen them this
year, they seem like an unexploded hand-grenade always waiting to happen but
today they had enough nouse to grind out a tough derby fixture, score a couple of
fine goals and see the game out to the final rattle of the pea. They were
hardly up against the crème de la crème but they still won the game and if, in
the next few days, they can add a second victory to today's well-deserved win
the season may take a turn for the better. I think the month of January
will reveal everything and a few shocks could be in store - as per, it is all
edge of the seat stuff, get your nerve tablets ordered - now!
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