ROAD RUN DOWN BY RUNAWAY MOTORS

3rd February 2020 - Maine Road 1 v 3 Vauxhall Motors - Another weekend done, it was profitable as per with a footy game had and a good jaunt along the Flintshire coastline watching the birds and finding a few lichens, fungi and flowers.  I was fagged today but went for a bike ride and had a session on the punchbag.  Whilst recording wildlife I had 'The Torture Garden' on, a film I have watched many times over, a film in the Amicus series of portmanteau productions with several stories rolled around one central thread.  Head-eating cats, death defying actors and actresses, killer pianos and a zealous collector of Poe all titilated the warped senses and had me wondering if one of tonight's teams would face a Poe-esque outcome.  There was no chance of either side taking a 'Descent into the Maelstrom' or for that matter falling victim to a 'Premature Burial' although if Maine Road were to bag a win, they could play 'Hop-Frog' with the team above them.  As a mere 'Man Of The Crowd' though I could only listen to my 'Tell Tale Heart' and felt an away victory was very much on the cards.  This was a personal viewpoint and there was 90 minutes to play before either side could crack open a 'Cask of Amontillado' - all we need wonder now is whether or not this 'Imp of the Perverse' would predict the correct score (a 1 - 4 victory for Vauxhall) or would he be taking a silent respite in the 'House of Usher' and trying to get his head together - read on, indulge and re-live the intrigue.

Brews were swilled, good bods met and seating spots adopted.  The ball rolled, Maine Road started in their usual sprightly fashion but it was the guests who cultivated the first bonus boot with a delivery dropping to an attacker's feet mere inches out but a last minute block denying an early kick in the conkers.  The ball was cleared but immediately knocked back in and nutted home - the offside flag was a saving grace for the blue clad team.  From the restart The Road began to push the ball around but were caught up in midfield indecision and duly lost possession.  The VM machine put together 3 deliberate and somewhat effective passes that ended with the globe at the tootsies on No 11 (Daniel Cross).  The player at the helm took one touch and walloped home without further ado, the touchpaper had been undoubtedly lit.

The hosts worked up a lather trying to recover from this untoward upset, once again they were ousted off the ball which was tossed forth and once again placed at the feet of Cross!  Space was had, a touch taken and within the twitch of an electrified testicle the striker had bagged his 2nd goal of the night - Maine Road looked somewhat shell-shocked and in truth, it was all self-inflicted.

With only a small portion of the game played and already 2 goals to the bad MR now needed to put in some serious work.  2 sallies forth came, No 7 (Andrew Carydice) was involved in both moves but deliveries were delayed each time and the opportunities to make a telling and immediate response were lost.  Again the trailing pack came., No 11 (Daniel Burgess) received out wide and sent in a polished and precise cross that No 8 (Jamie Roe) met on the line with great vacillation.  'Should I kick', 'should I head', should I just swing my arse and hope' all seemed to go through the frontman's head before the chance had gone and the guests breathed a huge sigh of relief.  Moments later another cross came, this one met by the belfry of the incoming No 10 (Ben Mooney) whose header went straight at the keeper.

Whilst the tide had seemingly turned the Motormen defied the flow and won a corner.  The ball was posted onto the skull of the rising No 4 (Matthew Carlin) who somehow missed the target from a seemingly impossible position.  A quiet period ensued, an utterly 'wank' volley at goal was the nearest we came to a thrill.  Before the pea rattled for the half-time break The Road had one last heave-ho.  No 9 (Jack Coop) had a solid dig pushed away, Roe had a follow-up shot blocked and Coop had one last swing but was denied by some firm defending - and that was that, 45 minutes done, the hosts left with a severe incline to surmount.

For half-time I stayed put - chatting away with STP Stu, John D, Gareth and his good lady Sandra.  Various topics were covered including the recent controversy surrounding Chivers Jelly and the outbreak of Yellow Jack in those who had overindulged in Lime flavoured Wibble-wobble.

Half-two - The Road came out with renewed passion indicating, as per, a side who never know when they are beat (I like that).  Coop delivered a strong cross, Roe tried a overhead and nearly tied his private parts in confounded knots whilst kicking nothing but fresh air.  The ball went out, No 6 (Oscar Campbell) was on it and struck an absolute pearler from 25 yards that left the man between the sticks with no hope of stopping.  This was the ulitimate response, the game had been recharged, now for the equaliser and who knows where things would end up?  Alas, thoughts of parity were banished within minutes when, from a midfield battle, No 7 (Ben Holmes) of VM played an exquisite pass that dissected the hosts rear ranks and allowed No 9 (Ryan Cox) to gather, hammer at goal and restore the 2 goal cushion.  It was the sharpest and most clinical of counterpunches, akin to a Tommy Hearns overhand right when under a barrage of Juan Roldan flurries - what a strike!  It knocked the stuffing out of the game and saw the guests now take a certain subtle command of proceedings.

The game ground on, Maine Road buzzed,Campbell knocked a cross into the box but Coop's header was straight at the keeper.  A sticky period followed, the sands of time fell in double quick time with very little to inspire the pen to scrawl across the paper.  As the home team fought to try and gain a foothold, the away team remained resolute and impermeable and saw this one out in relative comfort - I found myself with a notepad void of further inky molestations and as the final whistle rang out I was 1 goal shy of the correct scoreline prediction whereas my mate STP Stu had used some voodoo-based shenanigans to call the exact result - oh the crafty bugger  I contemplated the Man of the Match, there were no individual performances that really stood out as this was a complete unit doing what they do but I was mighty taken with the shift of No 16 (Greg Drummond) when he came on.  A player who slotted into his role without fuss, tackled strongly and fairly, read any rising danger so as to snuff it out before it became a problem and was always keen to collect and punt forward when the chance arose - I am sure he won't be a substitute for much longer.

FINAL THOUGHT - So the pendulum swung and although no team was confined to the pit Maine Road were very much left to lick a few wounds.  The team however put in a solid work stint, never gave up the fight but were simply quelled by a side who seem to win with little flamboyance and just have an ability to grind out result after result.  The fact that the Motors have only lost 3 games in the league all season speaks volumes about the set-up and having only conceded 25 goals throughout the campaign indicates what a miserly defensive pack they have.  As per, if you keep your rear tightly clenched you are always going to make it hard for your opponents to shaft you - such was the sage advice of Sugarplum Eric the Gay Grappler Extraordinaire from Grimsby.  The home team battled well tonight and after a stunning penetration didn't take full advantage and impregnate their rising hopes.  They can take heart from their passion though as well as their honest footballing style that always makes for an entertaining contest.   They continue to play the game the right way and when on the end of a beating they simply get up, dust down and get stuck in.  They are 9th in the league, have a few games in hand and with the same attitude and belief they could end up with a top 6 finish which, I think, would be a solid foundation on which to build for the next campaign - here's hoping.