27th October 2020 - Cheadle Heath Nomads 1 v 1 New Mills - The year has cracked on whilst many have cracked up. The key is to ignore propaganda, exaggeration, the doubters and down-shouters and much verbal masturbation. Rolling onwards like the veritable stone trying to shake off the cloying mundane moss I have been snowed under of late but have remained as productive as ever. These dark nights will test the mettle but I have good company in my home, many interests and a collection of 'Invisible Man' films to watch as well as some books on art to study. I once knew a man who constructed abstract art work using nothing more than anally propelled substances - he was a 'fartist'. Some of his pictures were ace, some just pure shit, I never could get my head around his work known as 'Marrow Eating Man With A Spanner' - apparently it was a pictorial slogan against the protests of fat-arsed women libbers - and here's me thinking it was a portrait of Napoleon. It wasn't long after this I stopped taking Fly Agaric Fungi - suddenly everything became a little more clearer. Now this digression may seem to have nothing to do with tonight's match but to make such a verdict would be wrong. You see prior to the match I tried to predict the scoreline using satanic fartism and when checking the pebble-dashed canvas noted that a 1 - 1 draw was the outcome. I also kicked a heavily buttocked feminist up the posterior on the way to the ground and saw the aforementioned fungi earlier in the day - see, there is a reason to the madness.
So, I arrived, nattered, found a pie-hawking position and felt confident of the defecated draw predicted. Read on, I may be holding aloft the tell-tale turd art in triumph or sticking a marrow up my whizzway to avoid any further idiot forecasts - surely by this point you are already aroused or are reaching for the shut-down button on your computer - success comes in many forms.
The start to the game was rather tepid but the hosts did warm things up a little with 2 quality crosses into their opponent's perilous zones although the incoming assassins were lacking in loftiness to make the critical contact. 2 angled kicks followed, the first was played short before a solid shot was nutted wide, the second was finalised by a decent volley wide by No 10 (Charlie Mulgrew). The Nomads continued to press, several piercing balls came but just strayed too far from the attackers feet. The travelling team were being rushed and kept on the edge but all the while they were keeping the scoresheet blank and making sure they remained a valid threat.
The half progressed with much effort but with little coming in the way of chances. The Millers did cultivate several rapid raids with No 9 (Bed Edgson) and No 10 (Michael Connor) obvious target men. From the rear ranks though No 2 (Jack Wray) hammered forth under good steam and was unlucky to run out of playing surface before the ball went dead. Soon after the same scampering blighter came forth, passed to Edgson who posted a decent cross only for the globe to be plucked out of the air by the rising keeper who hung like an Hummingbird about to take a sip of nectar - graceful man, graceful.
From here to the break New Mills became the better team, Wray continued to be an option, No 11 (Shelton Payne) exposed swift feet and became a problem and the Nomads did well not to concede at the death. A free-kick was had by the guests and swerved towards goal only for the keeper to save with relative comfort. The half ended soon after, this was a middling contest with two well-matched teams. My prediction for 1 - 1 was still in the mix, the 2 pints of blood I have offered up to Beelzebub after the foul artwork was created were doing the trick.
The break was spent nattering to folk, comparing views on Fray Bentos Pies and considering what footy is up and coming. The weather was set to turn utterly foul, the fixture list will have to be consulted day by day and my box-set of Joe 90 episodes prepared for back-up - ooh the speccy bastard.
Half-two - a quick start by the guests with a swift move seeing Payne get the ball in the clear, fire and be denied by a quick thinking mittman. Up the other end we traversed, No 2 (Craig Coates) pushed on, a ball was posted, played out and then knocked back in. Count Confusion decided to make a cameo appearance and bewildered many bonses as the ball pinged here and there and wouldn't play by the mathematical script. Suddenly No 7 (Kyle Foley) was on it, had a pop and a wicked deflection sent the ball looping over the keeper and into the awaiting squared-off non-festive stocking. It was against the run of play but they all count!
The game now became more spacious, players were having a lot more room. No 11 (Kieren Herbert) had the next punt at goal and was unlucky not to bag a strike with an unexpected looper. The Nomads were now upping the ante and looking a better prospect but New Mills sprung, Payne darted, delivered and No 12 (Benito Lowe) looked destined to bury but somehow the ball flew over the bar. The action returned to the opposite end of the pitch. A free-kick in the corner saw No 9 (Richard Tindall) eventually collect, protect and propel. The shot went behind from a corner which gave birth to a suckling of no hope. The Millers advanced next and won a free-kick of their own with the ball booming the wall and then being blazed back and saved, yet again, by a very alert mitter.
This was now more like it, with 2 teams going for the end glory with greater expression. Herbert for the Nomads was putting in his usual honest stint and provided the final cross from another swift onslaught. The defending pack survived...just, but the same marauder was soon at it again and upended for his troubles. The gratis hoofing saw the ball enter the box, get cleared and then volleyed back on the side-foot. This would have been a choice strike if the ball had decided to stay below the horizontal. Having said that, I am sure Nomad's Club Secretary Neville Pearson would be a bit of a looker if he had blue eyes, long flowing locks and a pair of 44DD bristol cities (you see it is all about what might have been).
Away from this soul-shuddering vision and back to the match with New Mills now a growing force and looking to get back on equal terms. As soon as these thoughts were put to paper I looked up to see another Miller's attack, No 17 (Samual Amankwaa) was on the ball some distance out and at a slight angle. This didn't seem to deter the advancing menace from having a crack at goal. The ball flew, had good energy and a slight bend and duly found the back of the net - that was some strike and now the game was looking to be...anyone's.
The pace of the contest never let up and both teams worked up a lather trying to secure another win. Amankwaa nearly doubled his tally soon after whilst picking up the ball and prodding goalward. The goal-line clearance was crucial, this was now a game on a knife-edge. Free-kicks came at each end, Tindall for the Nomads finalised the first with a header straight at the keeper and at the other end some head-football was halted when the gloved gent caught the ball and quelled any rising panic.
The last 10 minutes saw the action continue as a 'next goal wins' scenario took hold. New Mills came close when a low drilling shot from No 7 (Darren McKnight) whistled mere inches wide and then a free-kick the same way saw the resident goalie miss the flight of the ball but recover on the second delivery and punch clear with great authority. 2 shots came at the same target zone soon after, both were close but not close enough. Just prior to the final peeps Amankwaa had space in front of goal to truly seal the deal but rolled a poor effort straight at the man between the uprights. This was the final chance, the game ended with honours shared and I was left to ponder the Man of the Match. For me the Cheadle Heath Nomad's No 1 (Bruno De Silva) did more than his fair share of work, kept his eyes on the ball throughout and made some saves look easier than they may have been, At certain points, when required, he kept his team in it and made sure the defence were filled with confidence knowing they had a reliable stickman behind them. A 'Silva' lining to a decent night's work methinks!
FINAL THOUGHT - New Mills look a decent prospect this time around with a tight defensive unit, some industrious midfield components and plenty of options up front. They came on strong during the second half and in truth, should have perhaps pilfered the win but this was a close contest throughout and it is battles like this that will answer more questions rather than a routine win. If I was a gambling man I would put my money on a mid table finish but wouldn't be surprised if they penetrate the upper reaches provided they can maintain team consistency and have a bit of good fortune along the way - remember this is a ruddy tough league. The Nomads are a decent team at the moment, are working with great zeal and being encouraging to one another all over the pitch. Pre-season things were looking tough, at the moment there is a rosy hue to the forecast and if the same attitude is had by all players for the full 90 minutes of each and every game the outcome will be far better than many first deemed. Of course the odd result will not go their way and there are some teams in this league that have money to spend and therefore will carry greater weight onto the pitch but The Nomads are no push-overs and many a team is going to be in for a rude wake up call if they don't take this lot seriously. Again as a gambling man I would go for a mid-table finish and again, I wouldn't be surprised if they did a little better.
To add, to celebrate my pre-match prediction I was going to sacrifice a hedgehog to the Dark One but I like all wildlife so instead I sent a death threat to my local MP and crapped on my neighbour's doorstep - the horned bugger will just have to make do, my next prediction however may now not be as accurate.
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