Monday 31 May 2021

GRINDING

29th May 2021 - Vulcan FC 0 v 2 Denton Town  - The gears are grinding, and I am finding, that making progress of late is darn hard work. Work is busy, a certain degree of buggeredness has invaded the framework and now an upswing in heat has really tested the mettle of this eager beaver.  The morn was spent sweating like a nob obsessed pervert in a Turkish gay bar (phew, what steamy places) and doing the garden for one of the Cheadle Heath Nomad's directors, who may I add is neither gay nor Turkish but was prone to heavy sweating as he turned the pages of his newspaper whilst my good lady and myself cracked on.  It was a productive and positive morn although before setting off for the game today we needed to nip home, have a quick swill and shake off a bit of the old brow water.  No sooner had we freshened up than we set off to the game with the tyres heating up and the in-car thermals rising.  40 mins was the time of the excursion, we were glad to arrive, park the rears and have a snack and a drink.  The two teams were building up a lather, and a fellow was marking out the lines to get the game underway on time - a veritable Last Minute Larry with a waggle in his step as he pushed his paint spilling contraption.  Kick off was a few minutes late, we were joined by fellow punk peddler and football obsessive Paul Swinnerton and whilst we all committed to some gas-bagging, wiping the brow and slurping tea, I observed the game to run as thus:-

The peepers were peeled, the initial action to invade the retinal receptors saw a few early chances come from a great melee of movement and the game get halted whilst the home team changed their shirts.  It seems local fashion expert Gilbert Gussett was in attendance and the colour clash was giving him untold nervous difficulties.  I hear Mr Gussett is sponsoring the club, when a man splashes the cash, every whim must be attended to. So with an easier on the eye commencement of matters I continued my textual observations that some may deem bordering on the codswallop.  

The next action saw a Town long ball find the ever-willing No 10 (Shaq Lewys) who collected, eyed the strike zone from about 15 feet out and let fly.  The peg that was swung was overloaded with wild abandon, the ball was given it's orders to propel itself with force, preferably on target,  The said globe concurred with the command of 'oomph' but said 'fuck that' to the request of accuracy!  Vulcan now responded, a free-kick saw a belfry boom the ball but disappointingly miss the target. Soon after and No 10 (Charlie Tannant) snuck in on the blindside (wherever that is) and looked to bury.  The initial touch was awful and the chance was gone with Denton immediately responding with an attack that saw Lewys get clattered, play get waved on and No 9 (Caylem Bateson) squeeze in a shot that just rolled wide.

The game had good 'welly', both teams were looking to open the scoring with the guests coming mighty close when a liquid move of applaudable proportions ended with a thumping whizzer that rattled the underside of the horizontal.  Panic ensued, a corner was the minor award with a superb pop into the box had that allowed Number 6 (Joseph Ojo) to rise like a seal jumping for a fish and put nut on globe and grab that all important opener.  Palms came together, 'jolly good that man' was shouted by a nearby monocled gent, I concurred and added my own 'hoorah for the goal-getting fellow'.  Tis all jolly good fun tha' knows.

The Vulcanites now pressed, made ground but fell apart at the most crucial moment.  Similar in fact to the lego man who was about to indulge in a bout of 'how's your father' and duly crumbled.  Some argy bargy threatened to invade matters when Denton's No 7 (Marcello Arhin) was crudely clattered. Thankfully a few cool heads took control and those hot under the collar were wisely restrained.  A delay came and then the expected free-kick.  The postage of the globe into the box was somewhere between first and second class, the attempt at a clearance definitely fell into the latter category with a net busting shot of the former type.  We all thought it was 0-2 but the referee was seemingly blessed with the eyes of a Goshawk and had spotted an infringement and so pissed on the partying chips.

The game from here to the break got a trifle messy (which is nearly as bad as a messy trifle) and somewhat tetchy.  A Denton corner whistled through an in-box pack of players without receiving a gentle kiss home and Vulcan had a late free-kick that was best described as 'shite'.  The break was welcome.

Tea and mandible wags was the order of the interval - punk rock, football and other proper topics were discussed.  It was just good to be out, in fine company and avoiding the general tossology of the masses.  And back to the action!

The restart was done in great haste, no sooner had I prepared my optics than Denton had found the net only to be deflated by a handball decision.  A double-dump was taken on rising hopes when the ball bulged mesh soon after with Bateson left in great anguish as an offside verdict quelled any celebration.  As an onlooker, I felt that the leading team needed to get a second goal to assure victory and do it in double-quick time.  This was still a tight contest, one slip and it could still be anyone's.

The Vulcan Bombers tried mighty hard to make an explosion but the opposing force were quick to smother any potential and keep hold of their slim advantage.  A Vulcan delivery into the perilous zone eventually came, the cross was laden with quality but so was the keeper's punch and things stayed as they were.  Chances remained few and far between and we entered the closing stage wondering if there would be a late twist in the tale.  Suddenly from an innocuous position Denton pilfered the ball, a pass came and the keeper was the only man to beat. The save that followed was most assuredly of 'lifeline' content, well played that man, namely No 1 (Callum Spencer).

The clock was now racing down, where would the next goal, if any, come from?  The answer, via some route one football.  The Denton No 1 (Phillip Pole) hoofed forth, Bateson neatly touched on and No 10 Lewys was at the angle. A quick cut back, a slap home and the lead was doubled and the victory confirmed. And about time too. From much hustle and bustle the simple solution was the key.   The final gasps saw little in the way of top end action, the game ground down to the final whistle and Denton Town looked overjoyed with their 3 point prize.  Man of the Match goes to their No  6 (Joseph Ojo) - a quietly authoritative player who cracks on, mops up any potential mess and has a good physical prowess and ease on the ball to provide a much needed solidity.  

Farewells to our punk partner were had, he was off down Telford to catch another game.  We trundled home to chill, we have been busy of late don't ya know.  One thing is for sure though, Vulvan FC will be graced by our presence again, it is a very tidy set up.

FINAL THOUGHTS - Vulcan FC are a solid side just lacking a few minor ingredients to make them the complete package.  A few nippy sprinters is a must, preferably down the flanks and in and around the box.  They must be complimented on trying to play football at all times but always look to be in danger of being out-hustled if the opposing force is really up for it.  I suspect next season they are definitely a top three team but take note, predictions are not my forte.  Denton Town are on it.  They lost their first four matches of the season and yet are still knocking on the rickety door of promotion.  The team have good desire, good muscle and a fair bit of pace but for me, the discipline will be the key to any future success and if they can let their football do the talking, they are destined to be promoted, if not this time, then certainly next.  The foundations are built from the back, the rear ranks are looking more solid with each and every game, it is crucial that off-season work is carried out to hold the team's structure firm.  There is still much excitement in this Cheshire League Division One yet - hold onto your hats and tighten your thongs folks, the final few matches will provide many answers.

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