Thursday 3 June 2021

TITLE CHASING AND TANGENTS

1st June 2021 - Denton Town 1 v 1 Winnington Ave 94 - Summertime is here, it is easy to recognise - look at the lunatic behaviour out there and the gnawing procedure that is throwing everyone headlong into an all-consuming maelstrom.  I am a tetchy DIY punk bastard, I feel a bit rough too, acid reflux, aching joints and a frustration with the world in general.  A bit of sun on the glabrous pate and I may just crack at any time - ooh me ruddy noggin.  Luckily I have a means of escape - noise, nature and non-league - and although these 3 areas are invaded by much nob-rottery, within the simplicity I cling on to, I hope to fight for some semblance of sanity.  The glorious game at level 'reality' is there to be enjoyed, mulled over and to keep heads enthused - as long as machoism, rank stupidity and 'my dad can fight your dad' idiocy stay out of it what we have is a world of fun, good wholesome competitiveness and a way to keep minds away from more mundane going's-on.  I arrived at the ground hopeful of some head-clearing animation and found a corner where I indulged in a solo-chill.  I chomped on 4 turkey salad sandwiches, swilled a bottle of Ribena and partook of the literary weavings of Emile Zola.  A local lady came for a chat as did Denton Doofer Rob Nicholson.  It was a shame to hear the work I have been doing for nature is getting trampled by local youths and I felt my spirits plunge no end when I witnessed the same tramplings during the match.  Note to self - cut your losses.  As time ticked on the carcass was moved. I belched, cleared the burning food tube and picked a spot where I was joined by touchline friends Gareth and Sandra and a few other amiable bods including Denton's keeping coach Aaron Tyrer.  I duly let the pen weave a merry path over the notepad, albeit in a tired and downbeat kind of way.  Come the end of 90 minutes I needed a good squirt, was rather clemmed, tired and had scribbled the following observations.

Like a drugged up Greg Norman with a rectum full of vibrating golf balls the Winnington lads were animated from the off and looking to knock their opponents straight down the fairway of no hope with a chance of putting them in the rough.  A quite glorious crossball invaded the hosts red alert zone, it was a shame to witness some final contact that was pure crap.  The guests came again, a whipping cross flashed wide, and then after another foray forth Denton's No 10 (Shaq Lewys) purloined the sphere in his own half and went on a rampaging bull run that it was advisable to stay well clear of.  The legs pounded the green baize, momentum was unimpeded by several timid tackles, the end shot came, the save at the near post was more than adequate.  2 corners followed, both lacked penetration.

The game continued, the travelling pack were the more impressive unit and had the better of the chances.  No 7 (Reece Barratt) had a decent pop that just missed the right side of the vertical.  Denton reacted with some beefy work from their No 9 (Caylem Bateson).  A corner was the reward for the efforts, alas the delivery was far from good enough.  Back and forth the game went, the next action arising from a stunning pass from W94's No 15 (Jack Duffy) who sweetly found No 11 (Steven Warburton).  A swift pass followed, No 9 (Shane Davies) looked to latch onto it and open the scoring, the home No 1 (Phillip Pole) however was quick off the mark and gathered well.

A highly animated game continued, Denton's No 8 (Joshua Mainwaring) provided a lovely touch and pass which Lewys benefited from,  A booming shot ensued, it looked on target but these peepers were very much mistaken.  Darn my ruddy spectacles.

A water break was brief and from the restart the guests pounced.  An angled kick was won, the ball was posted with many potential recipients rising and failing to make contact. At the far post Duffy was allowed time to gather and set his sights - wallop, 0 -1 the touchpaper had been lit.

This lead was nearly doubled soon after when a choice long ball saw Warburton gallop like a man with pepper on his gonads.  A shot came, a deflection had, which was followed by a quality save.  More sorties forth came, Denton were on the back foot and not looking like a promotion chasing team. The hosts managed to hold on to the break only 1 goal down - there was still a chance of bagging this one.

TANGENTS - For half-time I stayed put and waggled the jaw with a few of the aforementioned folks. Denton Dave came for a natter and relayed a couple of startling facts.  Who knew that one's testicular sac was a great place for rearing young turtles and equally fascinating was the fact that Dave once spent 6 weeks in a bath of Ravioli so as to raise awareness for neglected Hunchbacks - the man has a heart of perverted gold. I once had a pseudo-Hunchback experience.  I overdosed on a batch of acid after reading Victor Hugo's famed novel.  I tripped out and ended up in a room decorated in dead men's willies.  It was a ghastly journey and when a local vagabond found me in a heap muttering the shock laden words of 'ooh the bells, the bells' - I wonder if he truly understood what I meant. 

Before the game restarted I was given a pot of mint by a kind gent I know from the touchline, what a lovely thing to do.  It will be wisely planted, I reckon at Cheadle Heath Nomads and then when grown will be spread elsewhere.  The game recommenced, Winnington carried on from where they left off. A mouth-watering long ball came, Duffy displayed a moment of outstanding skill and put in a sound cross.  A killer touch was missing which was a real shame as it would have made for some goal.  

With Winnington looking for the kill, Denton upped their response.  A cross followed a simplistic move, Bateson showed great technique and walloped via a pseudo-scissor kick that seemed to tear him a new arsehole.  The ball had too much uplift and sizzled over the bar.  The hosts were now activated into a determined drive.  A ball was stroked out wide following a brace of passes.  The cross was instantaneous and Bateson was there again, this time to nut home from a tight angle and round off a real contender for team goal of the season.  What an absolute pearling equaliser - a brilliant moment.

The new found belief of Denton now contributed to a real good half of football with both team's looking for the winner.  The home lads came again, the Winnington defence opened up like a vicar's butt cheeks in a satanic gay bar (a terrible thing to witness don't ya know).  A shot looked to be on but the visiting No 4 (Ben Lambert) put in a pure top drawer tackle. 

Tireless indulgence in the game came, The Town had a couple more attempts at goal.  No 14 (Aaron Clayton) put a pop through a pack of players, the keeper did well to watch the flight of the globe and collect.  A long ball came next, No 5 (Cole McGrath) the deliverer with No 17 (Richard Farrington) on it.  The defending mittman advanced, a shot came, the groans emitted told the tale of the outcome - wide of the mark the ball went.

The deadlock seemed immovable, a stalemate looked set in stone until a certain disarray invaded the Denton rear parts.  W94's Warburton worked forth, the ball was squeezed to Duffy who only had to hit the strike zone - the effort had too much fizz and uplift - chance gone.

Despite the resident ranks playing with desperation and creating some good sub-chances, Winnington stood firm, protected and tried to pounce, but failed to make any further impression.  There was good tension in the contest up until the last with all player's getting on with matters and playing the game in good spirit.  1 -1 was the outcome, it had been a fair game of football with Winnington's No 15 (Jack Duffy) the Man of the Match after showing some fine skill, exhibiting a thinking brain and putting in a decent workrate that kept the opposing defence on their toes.

After a chat with the Denton chairman regarding my temporary retirement from the nature Project due to pesky invaders and a share of gen on the wide world of music I beetled off home ready for a snooze.  Not a bad game this, it could prove quite decisive.

FINAL THOUGHTS - The away team came with high intentions and put in a very good shift.  The first half they deserved the lead and should have been 2 up if the truth be told.  Communication was excellent at all times, in all areas of the pitch they had some quality and the keeper at the rear organised his ranks well and seemed to be in the right place, at the right time, on numerous occasions.  The unit are always going to be are difficult nut to crack, similar in fact to the rare Buttock Nuts of the African Wildman which I once tried to bite through after the said maniac got me in a special wrestling hold.  By heck me choppers were sore after that encounter.  Denton Town took out their footballing todge tonight, took aim and had a good piss on their chips of hope during the first 45 minutes.  Tucked up and ready for the second period they gave a better account of themselves but the damage had been done and Winnington were certainly not going to be pushovers.  With great fortune, promotion may still be had, but I reckon next season will be the time to see this club really shine.  All the tools are in place, there seems a good camaraderie around the gaff, all we need do is have patience and get out there supporting.

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